July 2014
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Paul's Thing is a
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Copyright 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014 by Paul Woodford. All rights reserved.

Tuesday Bag o’ Sweat

Sure, making fat cry is a laudable thing, but no one wants your sweaty fat teardrops on the equipment at the gym, and that’s why they have those handy wipe dispensers on the walls.

Some guy wasn’t wiping down the machines after sweating on them at Anytime Fitness this morning, and it fell to me [...]


Saturday Bag o’ Public Shaming

People have always gone in for public shaming, but social media makes it happen a lot quicker. Crack wise at breakfast, and by lunch you’re in the town square, squirming in the stocks. [...]


Monday Bag of Fetishes

Everybody has fetishes. Me too. Not stilettos, despite the graphic (hey, you try searching for “bag of fetish” and see how many options Google Images gives you), but one fetish I’ll admit to is aircraft engines, especially the round reciprocating kind. I find them irresistibly sexy.

Aviators who’ve flown behind radials and had to wipe [...]


Happy Undead New Year

Number one daughter Polly called this morning seeking my counsel and support. She and her boyfriend David have been arguing about zombies. She says zombies are slow and eat only human brains. He says they’re fast, eat flesh as well as brains, and have even been known to eat animals.

I agree with my daughter [...]


Sunday Bag o’ Holiday Mail

Sunday, and another mixed bag of topics I want to say something about before I forget, topics which taken one by one wouldn’t rate posts of their own.


Switching from snail mail to email for the annual holiday letter to friends and relatives seems like such a bright idea. Until [...]


Cynical Dog Whistles

I was born in Limbaugh Land: Cape Girardeau, Missouri. I’m four years older than Rush, but the Limbaughs were face cards in that town long before he (or even I) came along, and remain a powerful local dynasty today. One of them crunched my sister’s car a few years back. There was no question of [...]


Thursday Bag o’ Smirk

I didn’t fully see it until Romney started smirking during his press conference yesterday, but now I do: he’s another George W. Bush, and judging by his self-satisfied, uninformed comments on the administration’s actions during the attacks on our embassies in Libya and Egypt two days ago, every bit as smug and stupid. Well, all [...]


Grammar Nazi

A friend posted this to Facebook yesterday:

My drinking friends are always forwarding stories like this. Sure, booze is good for you. What the hell, if it makes you feel better about your drinking, you have my permission to believe whatever bogus “study” the liquor industry wants you to believe. Bottoms up!