Paul's Thing

Document 1: Warrant in the Case of John Alden’s Toyota Camry

To the Constable of Salem, Essex Ss

Whereas Complaint hath been made unto us John Hathorne & Jonathan Corwin Esq’rs by severall persons of Salem Village that Cap’t John Alden of Boston’s Toyota Camry [that she] is guilty of Witchcraft in cruelly tortureing & afflicting several of their Children & others these are therefore in their Maj’ties King William & Queen Maryes name to Authorize & Comand you forwith to Apprehend the Toyota Camry of the said John Alden and imediately bring her before us to answer what shall be objected ag’t it in that behalfe and this shall be yo’r sufficient warrant Given under our hands the 31st day of May 1692 And in the fourth year of the Reigne of our Sovereigne Lord and Lady William & Mary now King and Queen over England &c

Document 2: Examination of John Alden’s Toyota Camry

29 August 1692 Before Maj’r Gidney Mr. Hauthorn and Mr. Corwin

The Examination and Confession of John Alden’s Toyota Camry

After severall questions propounded and negative answ’rs Returned she at last acknowledged that Toyota Motors made her a witch, And sometime last sumer she made a red mark in the devils book with the print of her right front tyre, And the Devil would have her hurt Martha Sprague, Rose Foster and Abigail martin which she did upon saturday and sabath Day last by running them down in the public street, she said she was not above a quarter of an hour in comeing down from Andover to Salem due to unexplained acceleration: to afflict, she sayes she afflicted the above three persons by crushing them beneath her tyres. She confesses she was at the witch meeting at Toyota of Salem with her cousin Prius, there was a great many there, and of her company there was only her unkle, Avalon and Land Cruiser. Martha Sprague said that John Alden’s Toyota Camry’s apparition told that she was Baptisied at five myle pond. said John Alden’s Toyota Camry said there was such aload & weight on her gas pedal that hindered her from stopping. And is afrayd she has given up herself soul and body to the Devil, Toyota Motors. She sayes she promised to serve worship and believe in him and he promesed to perdone her sins, but finds he has [recalled] her, and that she was Lost of God and all good automobiles, that Corolla and Avalon appeared at the same tyme and threatened to teare her in peeces if she did not doo what she then did. She further Sayth that she has seen no appearance since but a factory rep which did summon her, and bid her afflict these poor creatures. which she did by accelerating, and running of her motor for which she is sorry And further the Devil, Toyota Motors, told her it would be very brave and clever for her to come down here to Salem among these accused automobiles. And that she should never be recalled.

She promises to confess what more she shall hereafter remember.

John Alden’s Toyota Camry Signed and owned the above said Examination & Confession

[THE MARKE of John Alden's Toyota Camry]

17 Sep’t 1692 before me, John Higginson, Jus’e peace

Thank god!  Since when do colds last a month?  Didn’t they used to be over in, like, two weeks?  Maybe I’m just older and weaker.  Maybe the common cold has evolved into something more sinister.  Either way, I’m happy to be getting back to normal.  It helps that it’s also a beautiful day in Tucson.

Our dog Schatzi is undergoing a 15-day course of medication for an ear infection.  We have to administer pills, an ear flush, and ointment.  The pills are twice a day for five days, once a day for five days, then once every other day for five days.  She gets her ears flushed once every other day for two weeks.  The ear ointment is twice a day for two weeks.

The pills are easy . . . I roll them into a pea-sized pellet of cat food, which she loves above all other foods.  But the ear medication, with the attendant manhandling and pulling and uncomfortable wet stuff dripping down into ear canals, well, to her that’s enhanced interrogation.  Schatzi fought it at first, but her essential good nature has taken over and now she sits quietly while I flush her ear canals and drip ointment into them.  Schatzi is a good citizen because she wants to be.  I love our girl.

We’ll reward her with a road trip to Las Vegas this Thursday.  While we’re there (we’re staying until Monday), we’ll celebrate both our kids’ birthdays (Gregory’s is tomorrow, Polly’s is on the 16th).  Gregory has once again arranged to borrow a brace of Beemers, this time (I think) a K1200LT and an R1200GSA.  So expect photos and a ride report soon.  Here’s a link to our previous BB (borrowed-BMW) ride report.

I took a stab at Thai curry last night, so be sure to check it out on my cooking blog.  It was every bit as good as the curries I get in Thai restaurants, so I’m rather proud of myself.  In case you can’t tell.

The Goldwing is making come-hither noises, and there are errands to run.  For the first time in weeks, I feel like riding and running errands!  More soon.

Sorry for the lack of bloggage this past week.  An awful sore throat has robbed me of the will to do pretty much anything.  But today I can swallow without wincing.  Light at the end of the tunnel!

Non-essential filler follows (so the text will at least equal the graphic in size):

Today’s the first day since Tuesday I’ve felt like eating anything and all I crave is tortilla chips and hot salsa.  Oh, and I chewed the lemon from my glass of iced tea.  The throat has been bad and must be punished!

Our dog has an ear infection and another broken tooth.  So I’m not the only one suffering around here!

First lawn mowing of 2010 today.  Actually, it’s been growing like hell since mid-February.  The tall grass was also a potential source of whatever got into the dog’s ears, so I feel even better about mowing it.  The tooth?  The first time she broke a tooth we pitched all her hard toys.  I think she broke this one on a hard doggie dental treat . . . some dental treat, huh?  I swear, it’s like having a baby in the house, running around looking for things she might hurt herself with.

Jesus H, you came all the way here to read about a guy mowing his lawn and stressing over his dog?  Don’t be like me . . . get a life!

On the issue of single or double spacing after periods, I’m a double space man.  Once the generation that grew up with typewriters is gone, the double space will disappear.

Wow, I really am feeling better.  Maybe next time I get sick I should force myself to blog.  It seems to help.  Thanks for the therapy, theoretical readers!

Fate has ordained that the men who went to the moon to explore in peace will stay on the moon to rest in peace.

These brave men, Neil Armstrong and Edwin Aldrin, know that there is no hope for their recovery.  But they also know that there is hope for mankind in their sacrifice.

These two men are laying down their lives in mankind’s most noble goal: the search for truth and understanding.

They will be mourned by their families and friends; they will be mourned by their nation; they will be mourned by the people of the world; they will be mourned by a Mother Earth that dared send two of her sons into the unknown.

In their exploration, they stirred the people of the world to feel as one; in their sacrifice, they bind more tightly the brotherhood of man.

In ancient days, men looked at stars and saw their heroes in the constellations.  In modern times, we do much the same, but our heroes are epic men of flesh and blood.

Others will follow, and surely find their way home.  Man’s search will not be denied.  But these men were the first, and they will remain the foremost in our hearts.

For every human being who looks up at the moon in the nights to come will know that there is some corner of another world that is forever mankind.

- An alternate speech, written by speechwriter William Safire for President Nixon, in the event the Apollo 11 astronauts were unable to return from the moon.

Last year I challenged myself to catch up on a number of banned books I missed while growing up.  I’ve read and reviewed 17 of the 18 books on my list, but there are many, many more . . . so many, in fact,  I could keep making new lists of banned books to read from now until forever, and you know what?  I probably will.  Banned books are almost invariably good books, books that make you think . . . which is probably why they were banned in the first place.

You never hear “banned in Boston” anymore; most of us assume book banning in the USA stopped sometime in the 1960s.  Not so.  As I began to read and review banned books, I was astonished to learn that the forces of darkness are still trying to ban or restrict access to these books.  Would-be censors are everywhere, as active as ever, trying to stick their noses into our lives by controlling what we read.

I recently set up a news feed so that I can follow reports of book censorship in the USA.  This, the first post in a series, is a roundup of current book banning news:

• A mother in Fond du Lac, Wisconsin, tried to have The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants by childrens’ author Ann Brashares banned from a middle school library (she went after several other books as well, most of her objections centering on sexuality).  So far the school board has resisted her efforts: http://jezebel.com/5477102/traveling-pants-stays-put-a-parents-failed-book-banning
• A non-fiction book by Barbara Ehrenreich, Nickel and Dimed, is on the 11th grade advanced English reading list at Easton High School in Pennsylvania.  A man who does not have children at the school (or even live in the district) wants the book banned because it contains “socialist” ideas.  The school board plans to hold a public hearing: http://www.lehighvalleylive.com/today/index.ssf/2010/02/lower_saucon_township_man_want.html
• Apple is busy pulling sexy applications from users’ iPhones (yes, Apple can reach right into your iPhone and remove already-installed apps), but not all sexy apps are equal and some have been allowed to stay.  Shockingly, Apple’s decision may have something to do with money: http://techcrunch.com/2010/02/22/itunes-promotes-sports-illustrated-sexy-swimsuit-app/
• Borders Books will not carry the the current issue of Q Magazine because the cover shows a topless Lady Gaga, even though Lady G is holding a hand over her breasts: http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/44451809.html
• Idiot reader makes faulty assumption about the identity of Daniel Defoe, author of A Journal of the Plague Year (1722).  Hilarity ensues.  Scroll down and read the comment left by reader “Mark Twain”: http://blogweekend.com/a-journal-of-the-plague-year.html
• Idiots on the Texas Board of Education pull Bill Martin’s Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? from 3rd grade reading list because they thought he was the same Bill Martin who wrote Ethical Marxism: The Categorical Imperative of Liberation.  He wasn’t: http://media.www.depauliaonline.com/media/storage/paper1414/news/2010/02/22/News/Behind.The.Books-3876197.shtml
• Former President George W. Bush refused to grant a recommended Presidential Medal of Freedom to Harry Potter author J. K. Rowling, “fearing that it would look like a tacit approval of witchcraft”: http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/entertainment/books/bush-snubbed-harry-potter-author-20100223-ote8.html
• Culpeper County, Virginia public school official denies pulling the definitive edition of Anne Frank’s The Diary of a Young Girl from library shelves, while at the same time admitting he did just that: http://www.schoollibraryjournal.com/article/CA6719881.html?desc=topstory
• Idiots in Texas (again!) try to ban Farenheit 451, a book about book banning: http://7-8-6.info/general/religious-nuts-in-texas-seek-to-ban-book-about-book-banning/
• Think schoolkids have it bad?  Prisoners (in Texas, where else?) have it worse: http://www.statesman.com/news/texas/banned-in-texas-prisons-books-and-magazines-that-203986.html
• School principal in Kirkland, Washington forces changes to the script of a stage production of Snow White before allowing children to see it: http://www.thezeroboss.com/2010/02/05/school-edits-snow-white-thats-stupid/
• Parents in North Dakota try to ban Buster’s Sugartime from school reading list because of Teh Gay: http://ndlaonline.org/ifblog/?p=326

I heard this morning from Amanda, a staffer for Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords, that the US Air Force had responded to my letter protesting the airing of Fox News on public televisions at USAF bases and the broadcasting of the Rush Limbaugh to military troops overseas by Armed Forces Radio. Here’s the link to everything that has transpired before.

Not surprisingly, the USAF . . . well, actually, the Secretary of Defense . . . blew off my protest.  I expected that, but I didn’t expect the thoroughness of the blowing off.

You can click on the images below to read the actual response.  Or just click here.

Here’s the response I sent to Amanda this morning. I’ll send a copy of it to the man who answered my letter (drum roll, please), Principle Deputy Assistant Secretary of Defense for Public Affairs, Price B. Floyd:

Dear Amanda,

I thank you and Congresswoman Giffords for taking action on my request. I’m happy to receive a response, and most likely would not have received one without your support. I expected that response to be negative, but I’m disappointed my concerns were not addressed.

I asked USAF Chief of Staff General Schwartz to tell local USAF installation commanders to stop the practice of airing Fox News on public area televisions. The reply, which is not from General Schwartz but from the office of the Assistant Secretary of Defense for Public Affairs, states that what is shown on public area televisions on local bases is not an issue that can be addressed by the Assistant SecDef for Public Affairs. That is true. But my request was addressed to the USAF Chief of Staff, who most certainly can address this issue. And my reason for objecting to the airing of Fox News, that it has become a network dedicated to opposing all decisions and actions of the military’s Commander in Chief? Not addressed.

On American Forces Network’s airing of Rush Limbaugh’s radio show to troops overseas, an issue that is within the purview of the Assistant SecDef for Public Affairs, my concerns were again not addressed. My opposition to broadcasting Mr. Limbaugh’s show on AFN is based on his vociferous expression of opposition to the Commander in Chief, opposition that borders on and sometimes crosses the line of sedition, opposition that could erode the respect and obedience troops and officers are required to pay their Commander in Chief. Yes, the show in question is popular, but citing its popularity does not address the more serious issue of the military broadcasting seditious commentary to its own members.

The letter from the Assistant SecDef’s office mentions “balance,” but my concern isn’t partisan balance. Military members are uniquely required to support and respect the person and the office of the President of the United States . . . the Commander in Chief. This allegiance is necessary to obedience, good order, and morale. The airing of extreme commentary on military news outlets is not the same as the airing of extreme commentary on civilian news outlets, because it may affect that allegiance.

The letter also states that “AFN does not censor or edit content,” and this is simply not true. I was stationed overseas myself and know better. I remember even conservative news shows like the late Paul Harvey’s being blacked out when broadcasts contained material that might offend host nations. During the incident I’m recalling, AFN radio in South Korea went silent for three minutes during a Paul Harvey segment on the treatment of American minorities by immigrant Korean merchants in inner-city neighborhoods. I was at Osan Air Base in Korea at the time and heard it happen . . . the reason I know what AFN censored is that I later looked up the transcript of the show in question on the Internet. I realize, of course, that I can’t document this specific incident, but I can document this: a few years ago, military theaters overseas were directed (by the Assistant SecDef for Public Affairs, perhaps?) not to show a popular Academy Award winning movie, Brokeback Mountain. Here’s a link to the Stars & Stripes article about that decision: http://www.stripes.com/article.asp?section=&article=33611&archive=true.

AFN is no more an independent organization than the movie theaters operated by base exchanges overseas, and cannot air whatever it wants. To say that such decisions are out of the hands of DoD and military leadership, that they can do nothing about the airing of seditious commentary on AFN because Rush Limbaugh is “popular,” is disingenuous.

I’ll continue to make my concerns known to the uniformed and civilian leadership of the US military. Thank you again for helping get their attention on this matter.

Sincerely,
Paul Woodford

Update (6:00 PM): A quick response from Amanda at Congresswoman Giffords’ office:

Thank you Paul for this response. I would be happy to send a follow up inquiry to the same person in order to elicit a second response. Would you like me to do so? Also, please let me know if there is any additional action you would like the Congresswoman to take on this matter, so that I may follow through.

I also want to be clear on specifically what type of language you are referring to by Rush Limbaugh that you characterize as seditious. I assume for example you mean something like when Limbaugh stated he hoped Obama failed. Is this indeed what you are referring to?

My response:

Dear Amanda,

I’m actually a little concerned that further action on my behalf by Congresswoman Giffords might redound negatively upon me. I may send follow-on letters over my own signature to the USAF chief of staff and the DoD staffer who answered your congressional inquiry. A “congressional” got their attention the first time around, but repeats may just get them angry, and the congresswoman would not be the easy target . . . I would.

On the other hand, if you think otherwise and if this is an issue Congresswoman Giffords cares about, I’m willing to stick my neck out.

In answer to your question about specific things Rush Limbaugh has said on his show that can be considered seditious (i.e., inciting discontent or rebellion against a government), yes, there are several:

Limbaugh, asked about his hopes for the Obama presidency, says “I hope he fails”: http://www.rushlimbaugh.com/home/daily/site_011609/content/01125113.guest.html

Limbaugh calls for military coup against Obama administration: http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-4383-Portland-Progressive-Examiner~y2009m11d26-Politics-or-sedition-Rush-Limbaugh-calls-for-military-coup

Limbaugh praises military coup in Honduras, wishes it would happen here: http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/200907020010

Limbaugh says service members who support U.S. withdrawal (from Iraq) are “phony soldiers”: http://mediamatters.org/research/200709270010

Limbaugh says riots at Democratic convention in Denver would be a good thing: http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/15980105/detail.html

Limbaugh says “This country is failing because President Obama is succeeding”: http://mediamatters.org/research/200905280019

As for Fox News, I don’t think there’s any serious disagreement on the left or the right that the organization is committed to around-the-clock opposition to the Obama administration. The incident that launched me on my crusade was Fox News’ relentless drumming of the message that parents should keep their children home from school during a September 2009 education speech by President Obama. If a reporter from a progressive news organization (or even a liberal blogger) had proposed anything similar during the Bush administration, he or she would have been tried for treason. It’s not a stretch to think that if Fox News is willing to incite citizens to act against their president, so might they be willing to incite military members to act against their commander in chief.

Please let me know what you think. If Congresswoman Giffords wants to re-engage the office of the assistant secretary of defense for public affairs on this issue, I’m in. Otherwise I’ll quietly and carefully pursue it on my own.

Sincerely,

Paul Woodford

The Color Purple, by Alice Walker

The Color Purple is a story told in short letters. Letters, at first, from a barely-literate Celie to God, letters that are little more than raw observations of a brutal, degraded, hopeless life. Letters, later, from Celie’s sister Nettie, reminding Celie of their shared history, relating the progress of Celie’s stolen son and daughter, and telling of Nettie’s life as a missionary in Africa. Later still, letters from Celie to Nettie, tragically undelivered. Finally, letters once again from Celie to God.

At the beginning Celie’s life is so harsh and her writing ability so minimal it takes courage just to keep reading. But Celie grows and her life slowly becomes richer, especially when she meets Shug Avery, blues singer, former lover of Celie’s uncommunicative husband, and eventual lover. Her life begins to open up when Shug helps her find Nettie’s letters, which Celie’s husband has kept hidden from her, and eventually becomes a happy life as she gains her independence and comes to understand people, including those she once hated. Page by page, letter by letter, Celie’s story becomes readable, then engaging, then fascinating, then fulfilling. This is a marvelous book . . . I’m so happy I finally read it.

Why is The Color Purple always near the top of every banned books list? Why do parents’ groups still try to have it removed from school libraries and reading lists? Lots of reasons. Whites hate it because it’s black-centric, and the few whites depicted therein are contemptuous figures. Blacks hate it because it paints a gritty, unflattering picture of poor southern black life, complete with shiftless men, uneducated women, and incest. Bluenoses of all races hate it because there’s sex in it, specifically lesbianism. Oh, and then there’s drugs. And alcohol. And juke joints. And Celie, though she writes to God, doesn’t in fact believe in God, let alone Jesus. The Color Purple is, to be honest, devilishly seductive . . . and dangerous. If you don’t want kids thinking outside the box, you don’t want them reading books like this!

This really is a staggeringly good read. Alice Walker is a brilliant talent. The Color Purple will make you think, and you’ll never forget it.




East of Eden, by John Steinbeck

East of Eden was John Steinbeck’s blockbuster novel, a sprawling tale of brothers, fathers, wives, good and evil, love and hate, the end of the 19th century and the beginnings of the 20th, California history, war and peace. The heart of the novel is the Biblical story of Cain and Abel, twice explored . . . first with the brothers Adam and Charles, then again with Adam’s sons Aron and Caleb.

I hadn’t read Steinbeck since college; it’s grand to make his acquaintance again and I’ll certainly now re-read The Grapes of Wrath and some of his other works. Steinbeck tells a hell of a story and I devoured East of Eden, all 602 pages of it, even the longish philosophical discussions between Adam Trask, Samuel Hamilton, and Lee. I hung on every development in the characters’ lives, happy, excited, or sad right along with them . . . I cared, as if these were people I loved and had grown up with. It’s rare for me, as an adult, to experience fictional characters as real people; Steinbeck had a great gift, and novels like this are few and far between today.

“Ungodly and obscene.” That’s how school board officials in Anniston, Alabama described East of Eden when they banned it in 1982. Really? An extended retelling of the Genesis story of Cain and Abel ungodly?

It’s difficult for a reader in 2010 to discern what was so objectionable about Steinbeck’s work to school officials in Alabama in 1982. One would think they would have been so busy counting each of the 782 instances of the word “fuck” in The Catcher in the Rye they wouldn’t have time left over to worry about the occasional “damn” or “whore” in East of Eden, but apparently book censors never rest.

Personally, I think it would be wonderful if people started reading Steinbeck again.




Read more banned book reviews and posts.

“I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too!” — Margaret Hamilton (as the Wicked Witch of the West), The Wizard of Oz (1939)

	Sunshine Cleaning (2008) I have a hard time understanding why some reviewers put this one down. True, it comes out of the same box as Little Miss Sunshine and other Sundance Film Festival winners, and it does have a tendency to be uplifting . . . perhaps the hipsters have moved onto something else, leaving me behind. Well, I don’t mind if people think I’m not hip. I really enjoyed this movie. It is a lot like real life, only not as fucked up and sad, and isn’t that why we watch movies in the first place?
	The Secret Life of Bees (2008) I thought it was formulaic, the formula being strong wise black matriarch gently guiding a hodgepodge of characters to a better future, with small bits of tragedy thrown in along the way. Why Queen Latifah should be that strong wise black matriarch I can’t say, but she’s well on her way to becoming typecast in the role. Dakota Fanning was cute cute cute, and the stock white southern cracker types were ugly ugly ugly. It would have been better if the bees had stung the shit out of someone.
	Adventureland (2009) Pretty standard coming-of-age movie, quite sweet in its way, but not of much interest to older audiences. Or at least not of much interest to Donna and me. We’re old.
	Watchmen (2009) The whole comic book superhero thing passed me by as a kid; I was into hard science fiction and didn’t have time for Batman and Wonder Woman. But now that the smart kids who were into comics are smart grownups making movies about comics, they’ve helped me sense some of the wonder they must have felt on opening a fresh issue of Fantastic Four. I was totally impressed by Watchmen — great effects, wonderful scenery, good acting — and I felt it was on the edge of saying something terribly important, and perhaps it did and I just didn’t pick up on it. Nevertheless, I had a great time watching it; it’s eye candy and mind candy combined, with the most ass-kicking soundtrack I’ve heard in a long time. Who watches the Watchmen? I did, for one, and maybe you should too.
	Duplicity (2009) I hope it doesn’t mean what I think it means, that they’re making Depression-era screwball romantic comedies again. This so could have been a Cary Grant/Katharine Hepburn movie, it actually made me feel nostalgic about the 30s (and my parents were barely even born then). It’s a well-crafted film, filled with backdrops of wealth and power, suitably madcap antics by Julia Roberts and Clive Owen, and you don’t see the twist coming until the last 30 minutes, so what’s to complain about? It’s great entertainment. Well, okay, Julia is looking far too thin and haggard to play a convincing Katharine Hepburn. There. Otherwise I quite enjoyed the movie. Does it say something, though, that my wife didn’t?
	London to Brighton (2009) A very good short film, but god, what a slice of life it depicts — petty criminals, pimps, prostitutes, perverts — the whole sorry lot is present, plus a 12-year-old runaway girl who falls into their clutches. If you can make it all the way to the end without putting your head in the oven and turning on the gas, you’ll be moderately cheered by the ending. Not a family film, and definitely not a film to watch when you’re feeling down.
	Mean Creek (2004) An old-fashioned morality play. You feel the threat looming all through the first part of the movie . . . the threat that whatever these kids are planning, it’s going to go horribly wrong . . . and when things do go wrong, you feel like the characters in the movie would have felt, as if the wind has been knocked out of you, the ground beneath your feet whisked away. The morality comes in when the kids, led by the youngest among them, decide to confess. It’s an intensely involving, touching story, and the young actors are superb.
	Alien Trespass (2009) I loved Galaxy Quest and Mars Attacks. They were brilliant and hilarious, and I could watch either movie again and again. Alien Trespass clearly aims for the same target, but unlike its smarter cousins it doesn’t have an original story to tell. It’s just a collection of 1950s science fiction movie cliches, too self-consciously cute by far. It delivers a few chuckles, but one tires of the joke long before it’s over.
	Encounters at the End of the World (2008) As a child I wanted — among many other things — to grow up to be a scientist doing field work in some godforsaken distant and deserted part of the world (or better yet, on the Moon), so Werner Herzog’s documentary about scientists working in Antarctica filled me with longing and wonder. This is what our first colonies on Mars will be like, I think, and I find that the dream still lives in me. If you share my wonder at the universe, you will love this documentary.
	The Brothers Bloom (2008) A movie with appealing actors, snappy dialogue, good soundtrack, gorgeous locations, and a frivolous, empty story. Sure, sometimes you want frivolous and empty, so you stick a James Bond movie in the DVD player, or one of those Jason Bourne things. But with Bond you at least get supervillians with cool names. With Bourne you get frenzied action. With The Brothers Bloom you get . . . what, exactly? Pretty people? I tried to follow the plot, but it was just one impossible premise after another; nothing like life at all. I tried to concentrate on the love affair between Rachel Weisz and Adrien Brody, but it was equally meaningless. I tried to make sense of the end, but I couldn’t connect the dots; I’m not sure anyone could. Maybe younger people will enjoy the movie, and smirk their way through it, in on the joke. Me, I say it’s spinach, and I say the hell with it.

- See all my reviews