Feelin’ All Jabby

I recently discovered quick-release watch bands and bought a couple. Now, depending on the formality of the occasion, I can easily switch between light and dark brown bands. I may even get a black one for White House dinners.

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Jewelers make removing and replacing watch bands look easy, so I bought one of those spring bar tools they use. Even after multiple YouTube tutorials, I still can’t manage to replace a watch band. These quick-release bands are brilliant, and I wish I’d known about them earlier. Have they always been around, or are they a new thing?

While I’m inflicting photos on you, here’s another.

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This is the cheapo straw cowboy hat I bought for everyday wear. My fancy Stetson is so fancy I can’t bear the thought of it getting dirty and sweat-stained, so, like the black leather watch band I probably won’t actually buy, it’s reserved for formal events … Tucson formal, that is.

An outdoor beer-garden restaurant recently opened on our side of town and we’re going there with friends on Wednesday. That qualifies as a Tucson formal event, and I’ll wear the dark brown watch band along with the Stetson.

I’m finally old enough that when people take offense at my opinions, I only wake up once or twice during the night. For instance: after getting COVID booster and annual flu shots Saturday, one in each arm, I took to Facebook to remark on the absence of side effects. In a somewhat obnoxious way, with “side effects” in doubt-quotes, and an assertion that those who suffer from them have succumbed to the power of mass persuasion.

While I’ve become more willing to express opinions, I don’t want to be an asshole either. I keep a cork on the more gratuitous ones, such as my opinion of your driving skills (not just yours, but yours too, and yours). But this one seemed worth sharing. Every time I check in on Twitter or Facebook I see people whining about vaccine side effects. Don’t you all realize the mass panic you’re perpetuating? Especially now, with so many eagerly seeking any excuse to avoid the COVID vaccination, I feel it’s my duty to point out that as a military veteran I’ve had a hell of a lot of shots and can remember only one time I ever had a reaction of any kind, and that was a bit of achiness and a slight fever after an anthrax vaccination, lasting less than a day.

Beyond the fear of side effects, COVID vaccinations have become part of the ongoing culture war between responsible citizens and the Stupids. Side effects, real or not, don’t matter to the deplorables: they ain’t gettin’ no vaccine nohow. I resent having to share the planet with their ilk and don’t mind offending them one bit. I hope Doctor Fauci and Vice President Kamala start sending mandatory COVID vaccination-mobiles into MAGAt neighborhoods, forcing the jab into every one of their cold dead arms and their little dogs too. And I hope they get side effects … like the one where they stop spreading COVID. That’s a side effect I believe in and can live with.

Lastly, a reminder that life is better with dachshunds.

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© 2021, Paul Woodford. All rights reserved.

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