Paul’s Insufferably Elitist Writing Tips (Part I)

Is it part of the conservative ethic to come across as an uneducated dummy? Must be. Here’s a motorcycle forum response I got in response to my recent jab at smokers:

I still smoke and it’s very hard to quite. I was a very heavy drinker, Maybe months away from drinking myself to death. And it was Ezier to quite drinking than smoking.

Yes here in RI we have a Casino that the first floor is smoking and the second floor is for non smokers. But it seems that most of the non smokers are always on the first floor because the second floor is always empty.

Last monthe the General Assembly was going to band smoking there all together. But that didn’t pass because there fiqured that they would loose 50% of there business. But years ago they made all the bars smoke free and didn’t care about there business. Friend of mind has a bar/Resturant. On fridays and saturdays the place was packed on the bar side. Go by today there’s the bar tender and one or 2 guys. Why can’t they have smoking bars and non smoking bars? I promise I wouldn’t go to yours.

You health care people years ago the tobacco settlement money was to help smokers quite, well my state took the money and spent it on social programs. If I’m at risk of killing myself, you’all are at higher risk, by riding a bike. 5 people have died since the riding season started and one of them was hit by a state trooper.

Stop pushing your LIBERIAL ways on me.

And then there’s Facebook, where they go out of their way to appear illiterate. “Steve took the How Well Do You Know Memphis Quiz and they is Elvis!” “IQ Challenge: Lauren Says Your Dumb!” Arrgh! The stupid, it burns!

Well, all you can do is keep trying. Here’s the first installment of a new series I posted to Facebook this morning:

Don’t come across as a dummy.  Anyone can master the basics:

1. The difference between they’re, their, and there.
2. How to spell definitely.
3. It’s a lot, not alot.
4. The difference between than and then.
5. More than one exclamation point is overkill!
6. The difference between your and you’re.
7. It’s toe the line, not tow the line.
8. The difference between advise and advice.
9. You don’t loose your keys, you lose them.
10. Never use the singular they.