When I want fake news, I skip right past the Weekly World News, The Daily Show, and The Onion, and go straight to the source: the Korean Central News Agency, official press agency of the Democratic Peoples’ Republic of Korea.
Anyone who follows the haps in North Korea knows Dear Leader Kim Jong Il is gravely ill, most likely near death, and hasn’t been seen in public for a year (some have speculated that the “Kim Jong Il” who recently met with former President Bill Clinton was a stand-in). Yet not a day goes by when Dear Leader doesn’t visit some communal farm, factory, or Korean Peoples’ Army unit, offering inspired guidance and uplift . . . on the KCNA web site, that is.
Nothing reported on the KCNA web site is in any way factual, yet KCNA manages to convey some truths about life in North Korea. And much of it is richly funny. I mean, how can you top something like this? Savor the language!
Outbursts Let Loose by Hyon In Thaek under Fire
Pyongyang, November 23 (KCNA) — Hyon In Thaek, minister of “Unification” of south Korea, was reported to have unhesitatingly defiled the dignified DPRK, asserting that “the north’s dismantlement of its nukes is a precondition for improving the south-north relations.”
On November 4 he let loose the jargon that the nuclear deterrent of the DPRK for self-defence is “disturbing the peace and stability on the Korean Peninsula and obstructing the development of the south-north relations.”
Some days ago, he let loose the vituperation that “it is unreasonable for the north to contend it may have normal relations with the international community and develop economy as a nuclear weapons state.”
Moreover, he went the lengths of letting riff-raffs of the “Ministry of Unification” vie with each other telling cock-and-bull stories that “it is very difficult to cooperate and coexist with the nuclear armed north” and “the north should dismantle its nukes as early as possible.”
As already known, Hyon In Thaek is a dyed-in-the-wool traitor to the nation as he took the lead in the moves against reunification and played a main role in shaping the anti-DPRK confrontational policy “no nukes, opening and 3,000 dollars”, which drove the inter-Korean relations into catastrophe.
He has desperately stood in the way of implementing the June 15 joint declaration and the October 4 declaration, shamelessly asserting that they are “the documents which have not been ratified by the National Assembly.” He malignantly slandered the north, claiming that “it is an entity with which one cannot coexist on earth.” He allowed himself to let loose the malediction that “it is good to have unification but not bad to go without having it.”
Hyon was recently reported to have extolled to the sky the so-called “package solution” the keynote of which is south Korea’s offer of something to the north in return for its abandonment of the core of the nuclear program, a piffle, thus bringing to bolder relief his true colors as an anti-reunification lackey.
He has been engrossed in the wrongdoings getting on the nerves of compatriots and deteriorating the inter-Korean relations. This is designed to put such anachronistic scenario for confrontation as “no nukes, opening and 3,000 dollars” into practice at any cost in a bid to stifle fellow countrymen and gratify his insatiable greed for power.
History, however, will never pardon such traitors as Hyon In Thaek.
Oh, that Hyon In Thaek! He’d better watch it! Him and his riff-raffs!
Of late KCNA has been recycling old articles. Maybe it’s to remind the comrades of better times, back when there was still some food and workers had an actual dietary life.
Noodle and Mustard Seed
Pyongyang, November 23 (KCNA) — President Kim Il Sung gave field guidance to the area of Kaema Plateau in August, Juche 52 (1963).
At a consultation meeting, he set forth the task to encourage the mustard cultivation and produce a large amount of its seed, saying that mustard powder is good spice not only to noodle but also to other foodstuffs and the mustard seed is good raw material of the mustard powder.
He added that the mass-production of mustard seed could raise cash income.
Mustard powder, which improves appetite with hot taste and peculiar odor and, at the same time, is a good drug-stuff for its various medical elements, is also associated with the warm paternal love of the President who always directed deep attention to the improvement of the people’s dietary life.
Taken in small doses, this is great stuff. It beats Drudge any day. If nothing else, it shows Orwell was right.