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“I don’t think it will be the day after day after day of ethics violation charges that are frivolous, that are ridiculous. I think on a national level your department of law there in the White House would look at this, the things we have been charged with, and automatically throw them out, not make somebody hire their own personal attorney to get out there and fight.”
– Sarah Palin (interview w/ABC News, July 7, 2009) |
I really miss being President. When I was Governor of Alaska, it was like someone taped one of those notes to my back, you know, like “Hey, kick me!” Boy those critics . . . “Governor Screws Up Again,” “Governor Makes Jackass of Self at National Conference,” “Governor Indicted for Embezzling State Funds,” I mean, it never stopped. And the “comedians” . . . well, that David Letterman, raping me with his mouth on national TV every night . . . and people ask me why I quit!
Tell you what, that stuff stopped in a big hurry the minute I became President, you betcha! Your Department of Law, there in the White House, they don’t cotton to constant carping, no siree! They set ’em all straight! All those baseless accusations from my days as Governor? Thrown out! And the people who made those accusations? Thrown out too! Letterman? Thrown out (well actually, thrown in . . . jail, that is). Those nasty bloggers? Busy as bees in the work camps, making America a better place to live!
Those were the days, all right. When you got the Department of Law at your back, you can get a lot of good work done, for America. And America was was doing so well with me as President, I quit, because I’m a winner! And America too!
When I left I got to keep my Secret Service detail, but the Department of Law didn’t come with the severance package. I really miss that, you know?
And now I’m having some trouble again, this time with those people in The Hague, pestering me about the deportations . . . who knew Tina Fey and Katie Couric and Keith Olbermann would make so many influential friends down in Honduras?
Maybe I’ll run again, and sic the Department of Law on those Dutchies. Yeah, that’s the ticket, you betcha!