Document 1: Warrant in the Case of John Alden’s Toyota Camry
To the Constable of Salem, Essex Ss
Whereas Complaint hath been made unto us John Hathorne & Jonathan Corwin Esq’rs by severall persons of Salem Village that Cap’t John Alden of Boston’s Toyota Camry [that she] is guilty of Witchcraft in cruelly tortureing & afflicting several of their Children & others these are therefore in their Maj’ties King William & Queen Maryes name to Authorize & Comand you forwith to Apprehend the Toyota Camry of the said John Alden and imediately bring her before us to answer what shall be objected ag’t it in that behalfe and this shall be yo’r sufficient warrant Given under our hands the 31st day of May 1692 And in the fourth year of the Reigne of our Sovereigne Lord and Lady William & Mary now King and Queen over England &c
Document 2: Examination of John Alden’s Toyota Camry
29 August 1692 Before Maj’r Gidney Mr. Hauthorn and Mr. Corwin
The Examination and Confession of John Alden’s Toyota Camry
After severall questions propounded and negative answ’rs Returned she at last acknowledged that Toyota Motors made her a witch, And sometime last sumer she made a red mark in the devils book with the print of her right front tyre, And the Devil would have her hurt Martha Sprague, Rose Foster and Abigail martin which she did upon saturday and sabath Day last by running them down in the public street, she said she was not above a quarter of an hour in comeing down from Andover to Salem due to unexplained acceleration: to afflict, she sayes she afflicted the above three persons by crushing them beneath her tyres. She confesses she was at the witch meeting at Toyota of Salem with her cousin Prius, there was a great many there, and of her company there was only her unkle, Avalon and Land Cruiser. Martha Sprague said that John Alden’s Toyota Camry’s apparition told that she was Baptisied at five myle pond. said John Alden’s Toyota Camry said there was such aload & weight on her gas pedal that hindered her from stopping. And is afrayd she has given up herself soul and body to the Devil, Toyota Motors. She sayes she promised to serve worship and believe in him and he promesed to perdone her sins, but finds he has [recalled] her, and that she was Lost of God and all good automobiles, that Corolla and Avalon appeared at the same tyme and threatened to teare her in peeces if she did not doo what she then did. She further Sayth that she has seen no appearance since but a factory rep which did summon her, and bid her afflict these poor creatures. which she did by accelerating, and running of her motor for which she is sorry And further the Devil, Toyota Motors, told her it would be very brave and clever for her to come down here to Salem among these accused automobiles. And that she should never be recalled.
She promises to confess what more she shall hereafter remember.
John Alden’s Toyota Camry Signed and owned the above said Examination & Confession
[THE MARKE of John Alden’s Toyota Camry]
17 Sep’t 1692 before me, John Higginson, Jus’e peace