“Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.” — Humphrey Bogart (as Rick Blain), Casablanca (1942)
 The Boy in the Striped Pajamas (2008) Something about this movie bothers me. No, it isn’t that it plunges me into shame, anger, despair, horror, and sadness. No, it isn’t that it teaches me anything new about Hitler, the “good Germans,” and the Jews. What bothers me is summed up in this review: “Not everything in life, or in history, needs to be framed in terms of things children can relate to. I’m not talking about shielding kids; I’m just saying that some ideas are so horrific that they shouldn’t be framed in childish terms.” Word. Ann Frank didn’t die so that people who have never experienced real suffering could make PG-13 movies about the holocaust. |
 Crossing Over (2009) Crash, the movie that clearly inspired this third-rate ripoff, at least gave you the feeling that the people behind the movie cared about the issues they presented. Crossing Over has the stink of cynical hacks trying to make an easy buck. The immigrants — Aussies, Iranians, Mexicans, Koreans — are played as stereotypes. The plotting and exposition is dull, heavy-handed, and predictable. The actors pretty much phone in their work, and Harrison Ford reminds you of nothing so much as Steven Seagal in his later roles, old, stiff, and barely able to move. If your idea of a good time is watching Harrison Ford sit on his ass, this is the movie for you. There’s no heart in Crossing Over. It doesn’t connect. It’s a disappointment all around. |
 Push (2009) Push reminds me of those early Chuck Norris flicks, the ones that were filmed in the Philippines and which were, in addition to being action movies, travelogues. Only this time it’s Hong Kong, which is the real star of the show, and a good deal livelier than some of the actors . . . oh, Chris Evans and Dakota Fanning were decent (and Cliff Curtis too, I’ll give him that), but the other cast members were wooden and uninvolved, particularly Camilla Belle. Quick synopsis: the heroes and villains have a variety of psychic and telekinetic gifts. When they come together, they play rock/paper/scissors with their powers. Lots of comic-book CGI action set against eye-stabbingly garish Oriental backgrounds, with frequent appearances by an unintentionally comical Chinese character whose special power is to go all bug-eyed and toothy while squealing like a little girl. About halfway through I lost the thread on who could do what to whom, and it all blurred into meaningless motion and noise. This is a movie for young boys with attention deficit syndrome. It’s also a piece of shit. |
 The Machinist (2005)In the fifties and sixties, when teenagers did bad things in the movies, they suffered horribly for it. The Machinist is the modern, adult version. This was my second viewing of The Machinist. The first time, about three years ago, was during my drinking days. I fell asleep. Shame on me, because this time around — sober — I couldn’t have fallen asleep if I tried. Even though it’s an old-fashioned morality play, The Machinist is damn good . . . it gets under your skin. Filmed in color, you remember it in black & white, which says something about the dreamlike nature of the story. You hear about actors gaining weight to play roles, but how often do you hear about actors losing weight? Christian Bale is one dedicated actor! |
 Seven Pounds (2008) I like Will Smith, but I don’t like being manipulated, and manipulation’s the name of the game here. You want your tears jerked? Watch Old Yeller. Don’t waste your precious DVD-viewing time on this fairy tale about a wonderful secret Santa who picks seven needy people to donate his organs to when he kills himself, all because he feels bad about losing control of his sleigh and causing a fender bender. |
 Knowing (2009) Nicolas Cage is better than usual, but the movie itself is more about slam-bam special effects than it is about telling any kind of meaningful, useful story. I mean, what are we supposed to get out of this? We’re all gonna die and there’s nothing we can do about it? Bring on the cool CGI world-ending destruction porn . . . at least that’s entertaining. |
 Taken (2008)This was fun. Do you-just-fucked-with-the-wrong-guy films qualify as a genre? They do in my book, and stars like Charles Bronson, Clint Eastwood, and Jodie Foster shine in YJFWTWG heaven . . . but move over, boys and girls, Liam Neeson’s here. I guarantee it, you’ll wish he were your daddy too! |
 Bride Wars (2009) I glanced up from the latest issue of my favorite magazine once or twice, usually when I’d hear Candace Bergen’s three-pack-a-day voice, but would quickly lose interest and go back to reading. Halfway through I glanced over at Donna, for whom I’d rented this movie . . . she was sound asleep. That about says it all. |