Dear Doctor Down-Down,
I’m concerned that my boyfriend is becoming addicted to hashing, but I’m not sure. Are there signs or indications I should be looking for?
Try looking for the ten classical symptoms of hash addiction. If he exhibits three or more, you need to either get a new boyfriend or become a hasher yourself:
- 10. Whistle indentation in middle of chest.
- 9. Spends all night on the computer answering messages posted to Hash-L.
- 8. Would rather pump a keg than you.
- 7. Most of the numbers in his little black book end in “-HASH.”
- 6. Caked flour in knuckle hair.
- 5. Membership brochure from Fat Boys’ Athletic Club on top of dresser.
- 4. Refuses to romantically sip champagne from your high heels unless you’ve been sweating in them all day.
- 3. Introduces you to some guy named “ZiPpy.”
- 2. You can’t find your plumber’s helper anywhere.
- 1. “Beer hair.”
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