Ask Dr. Down-Down: Sep 2002

Dear Dr. Down Down,

I’m fairly new to hashing but really enjoying myself. I’ve read in your column and elsewhere that one of the few rules/traditions of hashing is “no poofters.” But my hash has a number of split hamster bean flickers and a few manly men if you know what I mean. Is the Hash “no poofters” rule really anti-same sex couplings or is no poofters a metaphor for shiggy wimps? or something else?

On On,
Chokecollar

Dear Chokecollar,

There’s more than one answer to this one. First of all, the whole “no poofters” thing started with the Monty Python “Bruces” skit of the early 1970s and was adopted by hash groups in several English-speaking countries. Older and non-English-speaking hashers, however, would wonder what the hell you were talking about if you said “no poofters” to them.

When I joined the hash, no one asked me what my sexual preferences were. Then again, the fact that I showed up wearing red pumps, mascara, whip marks, and nipple clamps may have discouraged hashers from asking. If you first showed up with a girlfiend, especially if she was leading you around with a little chain attached to your choke collar, chances are most hashers wouldn’t have said anything to you, either – but we all love lesbians, and that’s how the real poofters – the gay guys – get their feet in the door. Ha ha just kidding. Sure, there are probably hash groups where poofters aren’t welcome, but it’s also true that many hash groups have gay and lesbian members, and I’ve never heard of a gay or lesbian hasher being asked to leave. When most of us say “no poofters,” what we mean is that hashing is not for sissies.

If you can’t tell whether your hash is homophobic or homo-friendly, here are some indicators to look for:

Top Ten Signs Your Hash is Tolerant of Sexual Diversity

10. Absence of “homo draggin’ chains” from rear bumper of beer van.
9. Your kennel’s name is Hamersley Hash House Harriers.
8. Hash hosts annual red dress run where men dress in drag.
7. Men who show up for annual red dress run get seriously into accessorizing.
6. When a harriette shows her tits at the circle, some harriers don’t look up from the beer keg.
5. When a harriette shows her tits at the circle, some harriettes do look up from the beer keg.
4. Hash bucket contains lite beer, shandies, wine coolers . . .
3. Rainbow-colored on-on foot stickers.
2. GM bursts into tears if everyone doesn’t pay attention.. . . and the number one sign your hash is tolerant of sexual diversity is . . .1. Sound of felching drowns out “drink it down, down, down, down . . .”On On,
Dr. Down-Down