Facial Sloughing, Suckerbloods

Let's just freeze this spot by your left eyebrow while we're at it.
Let's just freeze this spot by your left eyebrow while we're at it.

That’s me after visiting my dermatologist Friday for another round of freezing and sloughing.  They say women dislike the word “moist” . . . well, I dislike the word “slough,” which I associate with high school sex ed movies about menstruation.  So there, I guess we’re even.

I seem to be in touch with my feminine side lately.  Donna and I watched Twilight last night on DVD.  Not only is it a chick flick, it’s a vampire flick, and I’m a zombie fan . . . nevertheless, I quite liked it.  Donna, I think, is ready to run away and join the ranks of the undead.  I blame the movie for misleading her.  In Twilight, vampires are pretty, never sleep, have no trouble walking around in daylight, and have sex.  In real life, of course, vampires are ugly, have to sleep in coffins all day, lead sexless lives, and are chased from mountain village to mountain village by torch-carrying mobs.  I’ll rent some old Dracula movies and straighten her out.

Chick flick vampires
Fig. 1: chick flick vampires
Actual vampire
Fig. 2: actual vampire

When our daughter Polly was two or three, I held her in my lap while I watched a Dracula movie on TV.  A couple of weeks later we overheard her telling her big brother about suckerbloods.

Speaking of Joe Biden, I thought he was right on saying that traveling by air is an excellent way to catch someone else’s illness.  I know this to be true from personal experience, and so do you.  What the hell is wrong with people in the media?  Why are they so eager to protect the airline industry?  They didn’t fall for the pork industry’s bullshit attempt to rename swine flu, so why are they all tripping over themselves to condemn Joe Biden?

Vampires, of course, don’t have to worry about catching swine flu, and probably could care less what media pundits think of them.  But I bet if they looked like I look right now, with the skin on their faces sloughing off, they wouldn’t have to worry about fans of Twilight wanting to join their suckerblood ranks.

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