Boy, I remember how upset my parents were when I told them I was marrying an Italian girl. “How can you turn your back on your own species?” they cried. But I was blinded by love and wouldn’t listen. Oh, we suffered for our love. Society turned its back on us. Restaurants wouldn’t serve us. We had to camp by the side of the road . . . no motel would take us in. Back in those days, it was actually illegal to marry a creature of another species, you see. But we were young and bull-headed.
So was our first child. Bull-headed, that is. It’s the sort of thing that can happen when different species interbreed, and we knew we were taking a risk when we decided to have children. But there he was, little horns and all, and we loved him and raised him to be the best man-calf he could be. Our second child is almost fully human, and can actually pass for white (unless you look at her eyes real close). Why, she almost got a job as a Fox News anchor, until they found out she had more than an eighth-grade education and wasn’t a member of the Klan.
Well, to hell with Fox. I love my wife and children, and if we don’t match the white Christian family demographic Fox caters to, too bad. Now if you’ll excuse me, the wife and I are going to couple, and with luck, produce additional interspecies offspring. Here’s to the mongrelization of America!