Tuesday Bag o’ Missed Connections

bag of missed connectionsToday’s post title and accompanying bag photo is obscure, so I’d better explain it. Here’s what it says on the bag:

Motorcycle Accident
– m4w – 27 (Kings Hwy)
[date/time]
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I was on a motorcycle and we got into an accident this morning. I think you are really cute and I’m sorry for not being nice to you. You were in a Nissan.

It’s a missed connections ad, get it? I’m guessing the original was posted to the Man Seeking Woman (m4w) personals section of Craigslist or a local newspaper. Dude crashes his scooter into some chick’s car, yells at her, then thinks better of it afterward and now wants to meet her, ah, socially? Who among us has not been in just such a situation?

Admit it, you read those ads too, so you’ll probably understand why I’m about to post one of my own to Craigslist Tucson, right after I finish this blog post. Here’s what mine is going to say:

Okinawa HHH Sticker at Safeway
– m4w – Safeway, Tanque Verde & Catalina Hwy

Parked next to your car at Safeway this morning and saw the Okinawa HHH decal on your rear window. I wanted to move my car so it was in front of yours so that you’d see my hash fish on the back, but some jerk pulled into that spot before I could. Then I was going to wait by your car until you came out so I could introduce myself as a former Okinawa HHH GM, but after waiting ten minutes I noticed security staring at me, so I went into the store to do my shopping instead. As I entered the store I saw your reflection in the glass as you got into the car. Not only did you turn out to be a woman, but you were really cute: short brown hair, about 5’4″, fit looking, and hot! I tried to run back out to catch you but wound up tripping some fat old lady on crutches and had to help pick up the groceries that fell out of her bag. By the time I looked up again you were driving away. Oh well, you probably would have thought I was a creep or a stalker. Anyway, on-on, and I hope to see you at a hash some day!

p.s. If you want to meet at Le Buzz, I’m usually there on Saturday mornings around 8. I’ll be wearing a hash T-shirt.

Hey, it could happen! You can’t win if you don’t play!

——————–

You’ll probably be getting this from your teabagger uncle any day now:

Screen Shot 2013-10-29 at 2.02.28 PM

Since my own teabagger uncle went to birther heaven (where I hope, for his sake, everyone is white), I had to learn of it via Facebook (hence the screenshot, which you can click on to link to the original article).

Of course no such thing happened. What did happen was that birthers in New Jersey filed a legal challenge before the 2012 presidential election, trying to have Obama’s name taken off the ballot on the grounds that he hadn’t shown his “real” birth certificate to the New Jersey secretary of state.

Do I need to point out that Obama has shown his birth certificate to the public twice, both the short version and the long one, the only presidential candidate ever to have done so? Seriously? If he were to start responding to nuisance birther challenges like the one in New Jersey there’d be no end to it, and before long county and city officials in red states across the country would be demanding copies too. So he sent a lawyer to the courtroom in New Jersey to say that since there were no legal grounds for any state official to demand proof of his citizenship, he would not be submitting any documents. The judge agreed and dismissed the challenge.

That’s what happened, and how you get from there to “Obama’s lawyers officially admit birth certificate is a forgery” is a mystery to me. Go ahead, read the linked article: it’ll be just a big a mystery to you. Unless you’re a birther, in which case you have your own facts. So don’t bother trying to explain the “real” facts to your uncle.

Now there’s a missed connection for you.

© 2013, Paul Woodford. All rights reserved.

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