If I had my own celebrity gossip tabloid, these are the kinds of stories it would feature.
Loves Motorcycle More than Me, Wife Says:
Sometime soon I’m heading out on the motorcycle, probably to Sonoita or Tombstone. Spring weather is here and we motorcyclists need to grab it while we can … pretty soon it’ll be 120 in the shade.
Forces Daughter to Participate in Furniture-Destroying Rampage:
Yesterday Polly and I decided to move a TV & stereo cabinet away from the living room wall in order to reconnect cables that had come loose. The cabinet was so heavy that at first we couldn’t budge it. I wound up wedging a hand truck under the front edge and using it as a lever to lift the cabinet a quarter-inch above the carpet while Polly pulled on the back. In that way we were able to move it away from the wall a few inches at a time. Damn, those old TVs are as heavy as refrigerators! When we were first married, we stacked our TV & stereo on planks held up by cinderblocks. Getting to the cables and wires was easy. I’m thinking of going back to something like that … cabinets are just too unwieldy.
Charlie Sheen (Okay, NOW You’ll Buy My Magazine):
Charlie Sheen is all over Facebook. Apparently my friends can’t get enough of the guy. Well, I’ve had enough. No celebrity chitchat here, no sirree! Not much readership, either!
Paul Accused of Animal Abuse:
Some excitement tomorrow afternoon: dachshund races at the university. We’re taking Schatzi, but not to compete … we just want her to meet other dachshunds. Does she know the difference? It’s hard to say, but I suspect another dog’s breed means nothing to her. Would that people were the same way.
Caught Partying with Male Porn Star:
A buddy of mine got some attention on the Colbert Report last night. I’ve met some interesting people at the hash; Dave is one of the more memorable ones.
Paul Says Screw the Environment:
Another buddy of mine, after reading yesterday’s post, is trying to convince me styrofoam is a good thing. I’m with him when it comes to insulating homes, but isn’t there still a disposal problem? Asbestos was a damn fine fireproofing material, but over the years it’s killed thousands and cost us a mint to clean it all up. Come to think of it, how do we dispose of asbestos? Does it degrade once it’s part of a landfill? If so, it’s way more environmentally friendly than styrofoam.
Breaking News! Paul Leaves Hell Bike in Garage in Last-Ditch Attempt to Patch Things Up with Long-Suffering Wife:
I got busy with other things and my motorcycle ride sort of evaporated. I did ride out to do some errands, and on the way passed a long gaggle of Harley riders heading up the road toward Mount Lemon. I should have turned around and followed them. Maybe I’ll ride up tomorrow.
Eh, I wouldn’t buy it either. Maybe if it had a photo of Fergie on the cover.
© 2011, Paul Woodford. All rights reserved.