{"id":5603,"date":"2011-03-02T14:19:33","date_gmt":"2011-03-02T21:19:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/?p=5603"},"modified":"2011-03-02T14:19:33","modified_gmt":"2011-03-02T21:19:33","slug":"celebrity-chitchat-minus-the-celebrities","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/?p=5603","title":{"rendered":"Celebrity Chitchat … Minus the Celebrities"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

If I had my own celebrity gossip tabloid, these are the kinds of stories it would feature.<\/p>\n

Loves Motorcycle More than Me, Wife Says:<\/strong>
\nSometime soon I’m heading out on the motorcycle, probably to Sonoita or Tombstone.\u00a0 Spring weather is here and we motorcyclists need to grab it while we can … pretty soon it’ll be 120 in the shade.<\/p>\n

Forces Daughter to Participate in Furniture-Destroying Rampage:<\/strong>
\nYesterday Polly and I decided to move a TV & stereo cabinet away from the living room wall in order to reconnect cables that had come loose.\u00a0 The cabinet was so heavy that at first we couldn’t budge it.\u00a0 I wound up wedging a hand truck under the front edge and using it as a lever to lift the cabinet a quarter-inch above the carpet while Polly pulled on the back.\u00a0 In that way we were able to move it away from the wall a few inches at a time.\u00a0 Damn, those old TVs are as heavy as refrigerators!\u00a0 When we were first married, we stacked our TV & stereo on planks held up by cinderblocks.\u00a0 Getting to the cables and wires was easy.\u00a0 I’m thinking of going back to something like that … cabinets are just too unwieldy.<\/p>\n

Charlie Sheen (Okay, NOW You’ll Buy My Magazine):<\/strong>
\nCharlie Sheen is all over Facebook.\u00a0 Apparently my friends can’t get enough of the guy.\u00a0 Well, I’ve had enough.\u00a0 No celebrity chitchat here, no sirree!\u00a0 Not much readership, either!<\/p>\n

Paul Accused of Animal Abuse:<\/strong>
\nSome excitement tomorrow afternoon: dachshund races at the university.\u00a0 We’re taking Schatzi, but not to compete … we just want her to meet other dachshunds.\u00a0 Does she know the difference?\u00a0 It’s hard to say, but I suspect another dog’s breed means nothing to her.\u00a0 Would that people were the same way.<\/p>\n

Caught Partying with Male Porn Star:<\/strong>
\nA buddy of mine got some attention on the Colbert Report<\/a> last night.\u00a0 I’ve met some interesting people at the hash; Dave is one of the more memorable ones.<\/p>\n

Paul Says Screw the Environment:<\/strong>
\nAnother buddy of mine, after reading yesterday’s post<\/a>, is trying to convince me styrofoam is a good<\/em> thing.\u00a0 I’m with him when it comes to insulating homes, but isn’t there still a disposal problem?\u00a0 Asbestos was a damn fine fireproofing material, but over the years it’s killed thousands and cost us a mint to clean it all up.\u00a0 Come to think of it, how do we dispose of asbestos?\u00a0 Does it degrade once it’s part of a landfill?\u00a0 If so, it’s way more environmentally friendly than styrofoam.<\/p>\n

Breaking News! Paul Leaves Hell Bike in Garage in Last-Ditch Attempt to Patch Things Up with Long-Suffering Wife:<\/strong>
\nI got busy with other things and my motorcycle ride sort of evaporated.\u00a0 I did ride out to do some errands, and on the way passed a long gaggle of Harley riders heading up the road toward Mount Lemon.\u00a0 I should have turned around and followed them.\u00a0 Maybe I’ll ride up tomorrow.<\/p>\n

Eh, I wouldn’t buy it either.\u00a0 Maybe if it had a photo of Fergie on the cover.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If I had my own celebrity gossip tabloid, these are the kinds of stories it would feature. Loves Motorcycle More than Me, Wife Says: Sometime soon I’m heading out on the motorcycle, probably to Sonoita or Tombstone.\u00a0 Spring weather is here and we motorcyclists need to grab it while we can … pretty soon it’ll […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5603","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-personal"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5603","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5603"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5603\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5608,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5603\/revisions\/5608"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5603"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5603"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5603"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}