{"id":383,"date":"2008-07-30T19:59:53","date_gmt":"2008-07-31T02:59:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/?p=383"},"modified":"2009-01-19T22:48:52","modified_gmt":"2009-01-20T05:48:52","slug":"a-bad-steven-seagal-flick","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/?p=383","title":{"rendered":"A Bad Steven Seagal Flick"},"content":{"rendered":"

I probably shouldn’t admit it, but I’ve always been a fan of Steven Seagal<\/a> movies.\u00a0 Martial arts\u00a0and Oriental mysticism leave me cold.\u00a0 Jet Li, Bruce Lee,\u00a0Jean-Claude Van Damme,\u00a0Chuck Norris?\u00a0 Colder yet.\u00a0 But Steven Seagal . . . well, there’s something about the guy.<\/p>\n

I read an article about the Panchen Lama<\/a> a couple of years ago.\u00a0 As with the Dalai Lama, when the old one dies the monks go looking for the new one, and at the time the monks were looking at a teenaged Tibetan-American girl living in LA with her exiled mother.\u00a0 The girl (who didn’t get the job) took the possibility of becoming a spiritual leader seriously and sought out spiritual counseling from none other than Steven Seagal.\u00a0 So he’s a special guy, right?<\/p>\n

Up to now I’d only seen Steven Seagal movies on TV, and they have been the older ones.\u00a0 In them, Steven was\u00a0always the good guy, often working undercover.\u00a0 In the less ancient ones, the ones from the mid-90s, he was visibly older, stouter, and stiffer, to the point where in the fight scenes he more or less stood in place while small Asian villians threw themselves against him and bounced off.\u00a0 But that was okay.\u00a0 Any night there was a Steven Seagal flick on TV, that was a red letter night.<\/p>\n

But\u00a0I’ve seen all the ones they show on TV,\u00a0so I decided to order a new one from Netflix.\u00a0\u00a0Pistol Whipped<\/a>,\u00a0filmed in 2007 and released straight to DVD.\u00a0 Steven, what happened?<\/p>\n

Oh, it had\u00a0all the elements of a Steven Seagal flick:\u00a0the fights, the sexy women, the innocent child, the bad cop, the evil Asians.\u00a0 But they were all in bits and pieces and\u00a0never coalesced.\u00a0 And Steven . . . older, stouter, and stiffer than ever . . . was a bad guy!\u00a0 A paid assassin!\u00a0 And a drunk!\u00a0 Oh, okay, the guys he killed were badder, but still . . .<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Steven, what happened?<\/p>\n

Now I understand why they only show the old ones on TV.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I probably shouldn’t admit it, but I’ve always been a fan of Steven Seagal movies.\u00a0 Martial arts\u00a0and Oriental mysticism leave me cold.\u00a0 Jet Li, Bruce Lee,\u00a0Jean-Claude Van Damme,\u00a0Chuck Norris?\u00a0 Colder yet.\u00a0 But Steven Seagal . . . well, there’s something about the guy. I read an article about the Panchen Lama a couple of years […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-383","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-culture","category-personal"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/383","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=383"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/383\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":387,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/383\/revisions\/387"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=383"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=383"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=383"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}