{"id":25613,"date":"2010-02-22T12:19:17","date_gmt":"2010-02-22T19:19:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/?p=25613"},"modified":"2020-02-22T12:20:50","modified_gmt":"2020-02-22T19:20:50","slug":"ask-dr-down-down-may-1996","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/?p=25613","title":{"rendered":"Ask Dr. Down-Down: May 1996"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Doctor Down-Down,<\/em><\/p>\n

Remember that pornographic bestiality letter A____ D____ posted to Hash-L a few months ago? The one about the husband who came home and saw his wife getting it on with the dog? Well, I was surprised to notice I had this huge chubby after reading that letter, and ever since then I\u2019ve had an inexplicable urge for Gravy Train after sex. Am I coming down with bestiality?<\/em><\/p>\n

On On,
\nAn Anonymous Hasher<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Anonymous,<\/p>\n

Who am I to say what\u2019s \u201cnormal\u201d when it comes to sex? Especially when it involves hashers! But help, as I keep telling my patients, is never far from hand, so to speak: those good folks at the Christian Center for Creative Guilt have come out with just the thing for you . . . the Bestiality Questionnaire\u00ae! Take this simple test now, in the privacy of your home:<\/p>\n

1. Do you have a pet?<\/dir>2. Do you ever pat, rub, stroke, fondle, tickle, or cuddle your pet?<\/dir>3. Do you sometimes wake up in the same bed with your pet, even though you can\u2019t remember taking it to bed with you the night before?<\/dir>4. If your pet is a cat, do you enjoy it when it rubs against your legs?<\/dir>5. If your pet is a dog, do you enjoy it when it gazes worshipfully into your eyes?<\/dir>6. Did you give your pet a special nickname?<\/dir>7. When you\u2019re having conflicts with other people, do you find that you prefer the company of your pet instead?<\/dir>8. Do you sometimes feel like you need to be with your pet first thing in the morning? Before noon?<\/dir>9. Can you find dog or cat hair on your clothes? Right now, at the office?<\/dir>10. Have you ever gone to work with cat scratches on your hands and wrists, and hoped you would not have to explain them to co-workers?<\/dir>11. Do you become irritated when people criticize pets?<\/dir>12. Do you become very irritated when people criticize your pet?<\/dir>13. Do you bathe your pet?<\/dir>14. Have you avoided buying your pet a mate of its own species, fearing that you would lose its affection?<\/dir>15. Do buy extra pets and hide them around the house so that you won\u2019t ever be without one?<\/dir>16. Do you ever talk \u201cbaby-talk\u201d to your pet?<\/dir>17. Do you allow your pet to sit in your lap? Frequently?<\/dir>18. Do you allow your pet to see you naked in the bathroom?<\/dir>19. Have you ever had sex when your pet was in the same room?<\/dir>20. Have you ever had sex with your pet?<\/dir>21. Have you ever had sex with your pet in a closet?<\/dir>22. Is your name \u201cZiPpy?\u201dAny yes answer indicates a probable symptom of bestiality.<\/em>More than one yes answer indicates the presence of bestiality.<\/em><\/p>\n

A yes answer to # 20 means you\u2019re going to burn in hell forever.<\/em><\/p>\n

A yes answer to # 21 means you\u2019re a closet bestiaphile.<\/em><\/p>\n

A yes answer to # 22 indicates a healthy, perfectly-normal erotic interest in fleece-bearing ungulates.<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/dir>On On,
\nDr. Down-Down<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Doctor Down-Down, Remember that pornographic bestiality letter A____ D____ posted to Hash-L a few months ago? The one about the husband who came home and saw his wife getting it on with the dog? Well, I was surprised to notice I had this huge chubby after reading that letter, and ever since then I\u2019ve […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-25613","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-hash-house-harriers"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25613","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=25613"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25613\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":25614,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25613\/revisions\/25614"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=25613"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=25613"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=25613"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}