{"id":25599,"date":"2010-02-22T11:52:24","date_gmt":"2010-02-22T18:52:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/?p=25599"},"modified":"2020-02-22T11:53:41","modified_gmt":"2020-02-22T18:53:41","slug":"ask-dr-down-down-jun-2002","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/?p=25599","title":{"rendered":"Ask Dr. Down-Down: Jun 2002"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Dr. Down-Down,<\/em><\/p>\n

Do you know the official words to the \u201cHead Chant\u201d?<\/em><\/p>\n

On On,
\nCurious in Charlottesville<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Curious,<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s the version I know:<\/p>\n

Head? Who said head?
\nI\u2019ll take some of that!
\nOooh-rah!And I did, and it was good.
\nAnd there was much rejoicing.
\nAnd then we fucked. We fucked for hours.
\nUprooting trees, bushes, and flowers.
\nFrightening small children and woodland animals.
\nWe fucked with power tools.
\nWe fucked like Vikings, with horns on our head.Head? Who said head?
\nI\u2019ll take some of that!
\nOooh-rah!<\/dir>But I don\u2019t think there\u2019s an \u201cofficial\u201d version \u2013 everyone seems to have his or her own version. Just look at the following letters!<\/p>\n

On On,
\nDr. Down-Down<\/p>\n

Dear Doctor Down-Down,<\/em><\/p>\n

Head? Who said head?
\nThat\u2019s been on the list before.
\nOooh-rah!\u00a0<\/em>And it was old then, and it is older now.
\nI am not rejoicing.
\nThis has been posted for years and years.
\nClogging up e-mail lists and annoying me.
\nDon\u2019t you ever read the FAQ?
\nAre you some kind of fool?
\nWhy can\u2019t you get the rules through your head?\u00a0<\/em>Head? Who said head?
\nShit, now I\u2019m doing it.
\nOooh-rah!<\/em><\/dir>On On,
\nThighmaster, Aloha HHH<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Doctor Down-Down,<\/em><\/p>\n

Me? Who said me?
\nI\u2019ll take some of that!
\nOooh-rah!\u00a0<\/em>And then you got e-mail from me.
\nAnd it was cause for much rejoicing.
\nYou read me, what more do you need?
\nIt\u2019s all about me me me me ME MEMEMEMEME!
\nWho cares about anyone else?
\nAll you need to read about is me.
\nMe, mine, and yours truly.\u00a0<\/em>Me? Where am I brewed?
\nIs there a hash there?
\nOooh-rah!<\/em><\/dir>On On,
\nAccess Denied, Maryland Dirt Road HHH<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Doctor Down-Down,<\/em><\/p>\n

Head? What a concept!
\nYou could talk me into some of that.
\nOoohDick!\u00a0<\/em>Actually I haven\u2019t had sex in years.
\nNothing much to rejoice about.
\nBut I think about it for hours at a time.
\nThere\u2019s something about the whole notion I find surreal.
\nPerhaps it\u2019s all the hash bimbos I know.
\nSome of them I wouldn\u2019t screw with Mr. Jackson\u2019sDick!
\nVaguely racist Chinese puzzle: Rumson fish dead but still attract pussy.\u00a0<\/em>Fish! Rumson fish!
\nI\u2019ll take a whiff of that!
\nOoohDick!<\/em><\/dir>On On,
\nElephant Dick, Rumson HHH<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Doctor Down-Down,<\/em><\/p>\n

Head? Here\u2019s what Dave Barry said about head:
\n\u201cI am not making this head up.\u201d
\n\u201cThe Smoot-Headly Tariff.\u201d\u00a0<\/em>Rejoice! Look what I found on the Steven Wright list:
\n\u201cYou\u2019re traveling at the speed of light and turn your headlights on. What happens?\u201d
\n\u201cI named my head Stay. I said \u2018Come here, Stay.\u2019 My head got confused.\u201d
\nDavid Letterman had a top ten list of heads.
\nDrew Carey told a really gross one about this bum who screwed a headless dead woman.
\nFifty reasons you shouldn\u2019t give head in an elevator.
\nThere was this priest, a Jewish lesbian, and a head, see?\u00a0<\/em>Head? You want me to cross-post more head?
\nI got a million more where those came from.
\nOooh-rah!<\/em><\/dir>On On,
\nSympathy Fuck, San Antonio HHH<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Doctor Down-Down,<\/em><\/p>\n

Head? The head on my Mac never scratches the disk.
\nIt\u2019s perfect in every way!
\nOooh-rah, Steve Jobs!\u00a0<\/em>I go to Egghead.
\nI rejoice in Macular perfection, I linger there for hours.
\nI lurk behind tangerine-hued iMacs and sneer at PC lamers.
\nThey are such cattle.
\nNot rugged individualists like moi.
\nBill Gates has horns on his head.\u00a0<\/em>Head? What\u2019s that noise?
\nJesus, my Mac just crashed!
\nOoooh shit.<\/em><\/dir>On On,
\nZiPpY the Cyberpimp, Pikes Peak\u00a0<\/em>HHH<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Doctor Down-Down,<\/em><\/p>\n

Head? Who said head?
\nNow that\u2019s funny! (LOL!)
\nOooh-rah\u00a0\":-)\"\u00a0<\/em>And then we fucked!!!
\nWell, we tried to, but we were laughing too much.
\nWe ROTFALOLed all night!!!
\nYGBSM!!!\u00a0\";-)\"
\nWe LOLed until TEOTWAWKI!
\nWe LOLed with power tools (IMHO)
\nWe LOLed with horns on our head!\u00a0<\/em>Head? Who said head?
\nI\u2019ll take some of that!
\nLOL!!!!\u00a0\";-)\"<\/em><\/dir>On On,
\nSpeedyCSlowly, Miami\/Ft Lauderdale HHH<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Doctor Down-Down,<\/em><\/p>\n

Head. Gn hashing. Lv msg.<\/em><\/dir>On On,
\nMr. Spock
\nPrepare for the Ultimate
\nSan Diego Red Dress Thousand Year Reich
\nJune 27, 3001<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Doctor Down-Down,<\/em><\/p>\n

This Is You\u2019re Lucky Day!!!!!
\nWant More $$Money$$ Then U Can $pend??
\nThan Rejoyce! You To Can
\nMake MILLION$!!! In Multi-Level Head Marketing!!!!!!!!!!!<\/em><\/dir>On On,
\nHash-L Spammer<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Doctor Down-Down,<\/em><\/p>\n

There once was a man who said head,
\nHe said it until he was dead.
\nHe rejoiced in his fiddle,
\nAnd fiddled his diddle,
\nAnd painted his Viking horn red.<\/em><\/dir>On On,
\nSpecklebird, Limerick HHH<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Doctor Down-Down,<\/em><\/p>\n

There once was a man who said head,
\nHe said it until he was dead.
\nAlong came the S&M man with a big nasty drill,
\nAnd he bored a hole in his skull and fucked it
\nHeh heh heh heh heh<\/em><\/dir>On On,
\nS&M Man, Cleveland HHH<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Doctor Down-Down,<\/em><\/p>\n

Head? Did you say head?
\nWe\u2019re not going there.<\/em><\/dir>On On,
\nYour Wife<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Doctor Down-Down,<\/em><\/p>\n

Head? Who said head?
\nI had a dream about that.
\nA weird one.\u00a0<\/em>I was bare naked in the mall.
\nI was crawling on all fours.
\nYou\u2019d of thought every guy around would be rejoicing.
\nI was incredibly sexy and erotic and yet no one would look at me!
\nI screamed and shouted, I threw benches through windows.
\nI pitched a fit in front of the Cinema Eight.
\nAnd still not one head turned in my direction.\u00a0<\/em>Not one head.
\nIs that what it\u2019s like when you get old, Dr. Down-Down?
\nShoot me now.<\/em><\/dir>On On,
\nPay Per View, White House HHH&H<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Doctor Down-Down,<\/em><\/p>\n

Head? Who said head?
\nI\u2019ll take some of that!
\nOooh-rah!\u00a0<\/em>And I did, and it was good,
\nAnd then the cops came . . .<\/em><\/dir>On On,
\n8 Yellow Snow, Los Angeles HHH<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Doctor Down-Down,<\/em><\/p>\n

Head? Why talk about head?
\nEverybody does that.
\nSheesh.\u00a0<\/em>Let\u2019s talk about \u201calot.\u201d
\nPeople spell \u201calot\u201d a lot.
\nThey rejoice in their ignorance.
\nWhich is proven by the fact that they never spell \u201calittle.\u201d
\nAnd why do they keep sending attachments to hash-l?
\nI\u2019d like to take a power tool to them.
\nI\u2019d put a space between their \u201ca\u201d and \u201clot.\u201d\u00a0<\/em>Head? It was funny the first six million times.
\nAnd it still gets a chuckle, albeit
\nalittle one.<\/em><\/dir>On On,
\nFlying Booger, Piss Boy<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Dr. Down-Down, Do you know the official words to the \u201cHead Chant\u201d? On On, Curious in Charlottesville Dear Curious, Here\u2019s the version I know: Head? Who said head? I\u2019ll take some of that! Oooh-rah!And I did, and it was good. And there was much rejoicing. And then we fucked. We fucked for hours. Uprooting […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-25599","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-hash-house-harriers"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25599","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=25599"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25599\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":25600,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25599\/revisions\/25600"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=25599"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=25599"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=25599"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}