Long-time readers of the hash discussion list (hash-l@usc.edu) will vividly recall the bizarre behavior of Access Denied (hereinafter known as \u201cAD\u201d), a hasher apparently afflicted with Munchausen\u2019s Syndrome. Or Tourette\u2019s. Or possibly both. AD\u2019s outbursts inspired the Time Channel Rant. Please enjoy.<\/p>\n
(segue to Time Channel)<\/em><\/p>\n Jack:<\/em>\u00a0Well, Bob, it\u2019s two thirty-three, and unless I miss my guess, two thirty-four is right around the corner.<\/p>\n Bob:<\/em>\u00a0You got that right, Jack.<\/p>\n Jack:<\/em>\u00a0Yessir, folks, coming up on two thirty-four in about 30 seconds.<\/p>\n Bob:<\/em>\u00a0Jack, I think we ought to remind our viewers that that would be, uh, fourteen thirty-four on the 24-hour clock.<\/p>\n Jack:<\/em>\u00a0By golly, Bob, you\u2019re right, and this is a good time to point out that the Time Channel is available in both 12- and 24-hour versions . . . just contact your cable provider.<\/p>\n Bob:<\/em>\u00a0Ah, Jack, it\u2019s now two thirty-four and two thirty-five is on the horizon. But I\u2019d also like to point out that you can get the Time Channel in your choice of zones, including Greenwich.<\/p>\n Jack:<\/em>\u00a0Ha, ha, ha, that\u2019s right.<\/p>\n Bob:<\/em>\u00a0I see it\u2019s time for a word from our sponsor, Timex, but don\u2019t change that dial, folks . . . right, Jack?<\/p>\n Jack:<\/em>\u00a0Right, Bob . . . following this brief commercial, we\u2019ll be back with our daily feature, \u201cTimeHack,\u201d Time Channel\u2019s hard-hitting investigative expos\u00e9. Today\u2019s installment: \u201cSix Twenty-Two! Dim Hope or Done Deal?\u201d<\/p>\n (fade to commercial and segue to hash-l@usc.edu)<\/em><\/p>\n AD:<\/em>\u00a0Blah blah blah.<\/p>\n Everyone Else:<\/em>\u00a0(paying no attention).<\/p>\n AD:<\/em>\u00a0Blah blah fuck you blah.<\/p>\n Someone Else:<\/em>\u00a0Okay, I\u2019ll bite . . . fuck you, too.<\/p>\n AD:<\/em>\u00a0FUCK SHIT PISS HATE WHY DON\u2019T YOU DIE.<\/p>\n AD:<\/em>\u00a0No, I didn\u2019t mean that. You were quite right to tell me off.<\/p>\n AD:<\/em>\u00a0On the other hand, you\u2019re ugly and your mother was a dog-fucking Nazi bitch who ate babies for breakfast, and anyone who disagrees with me is a fucking idiot.<\/p>\n Someone Else:<\/em>\u00a0AD, don\u2019t you think you ought to lighten up?<\/p>\n AD:<\/em>\u00a0I have a photo of you anally sodomizing a pig at AIH, so fuck you\u00a0(attaches GIF of same)<\/em>.<\/p>\n AD:<\/em>\u00a0Have I mentioned that I\u2019m a player?<\/p>\n AD:<\/em>\u00a0Did I tell you about the time my grandmother stuffed a live duck up her pussy and came all over the piano?<\/p>\n AD (using false name):<\/em>\u00a0posts detailed but imaginary information of a highly personal nature about actual hashers.<\/p>\n AD (using another false name, posted from an anonymous e-mail drop):<\/em>\u00a0posts excerpts from the Youthful Fantasies section of \u201cLads Ahoy,\u201d official magazine of the American Man\/Boy Love Association.<\/p>\n Everyone Else:<\/em>\u00a0AD, KNOCK IT OFF BEFORE USC SHUTS THE NET DOWN!<\/p>\n AD:<\/em>\u00a0Gee, I\u2019m sorry. Did I do something wrong?<\/p>\n (one day later)<\/em><\/p>\n AD:<\/em>\u00a0Blah blah blah.<\/p>\n Everyone Else:<\/em>\u00a0(paying no attention).<\/p>\n AD:<\/em>\u00a0Blah blah fuck you blah.<\/p>\n . . . etc.<\/p>\n (segue to Time Channel)<\/em><\/p>\n Jack:<\/em>\u00a0Bob, I say it\u2019s time to change that calendar.<\/p>\n Bob:<\/em>\u00a0Jack, I couldn\u2019t agree with you more \u2013 Happy New Year!<\/p>\n Jack:<\/em>\u00a0Happy New Year, everyone!<\/p>\n (fade to logo & theme: \u201cThe Syncopated Clock\u201c)<\/em><\/p>\n – Flying Booger<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Long-time readers of the hash discussion list (hash-l@usc.edu) will vividly recall the bizarre behavior of Access Denied (hereinafter known as \u201cAD\u201d), a hasher apparently afflicted with Munchausen\u2019s Syndrome. Or Tourette\u2019s. Or possibly both. AD\u2019s outbursts inspired the Time Channel Rant. Please enjoy. (segue to Time Channel) Jack:\u00a0Well, Bob, it\u2019s two thirty-three, and unless I miss […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-25555","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-hash-house-harriers"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25555","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=25555"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25555\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":25557,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25555\/revisions\/25557"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=25555"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=25555"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=25555"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}