{"id":185,"date":"2005-04-19T17:50:30","date_gmt":"2005-04-20T00:50:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/?p=185"},"modified":"2006-11-10T17:53:13","modified_gmt":"2006-11-11T00:53:13","slug":"realistic-punchlines","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/?p=185","title":{"rendered":"Realistic Punchlines"},"content":{"rendered":"

. . . for ancient jokes. From Something Awful<\/a>. I think they’re funnier than the originals:<\/p>\n

A man has been trapped on a desert island for eight years. One day, he sees a boat on the horizon and lights a fire to let it know he is there.<\/p>\n

The boat comes towards the shore. On board there is a beautiful woman in a body hugging wetsuit.<\/p>\n

“Thank God,” he says, “I’ve been trapped on this island for eight years. Thank God someone has come at last.”<\/p>\n

“Eight years?” she says, “So it’s eight years since you last smoked a Cuban cigar?”<\/p>\n

She unzips a pocket on her wetsuit and pulls out a cigar. She passes it to him, pulls out a Zippo, and lights it for him. He enjoys the first cigar he has had in eight years.<\/p>\n

“So it’s also eight years since you had a drink?”<\/p>\n

She unzips a pocket on her wetsuit and pulls out a hip flask, tossing it to him. He takes a swig, and it’s 25 year old single malt whisky. It’s smooth and mellow and utterly delicious.<\/p>\n

“So,” she says, beginning to unzip the long zipper on the front of her costume, “it’s eight years since you played around?”<\/p>\n

“Oh no,” he says, “this is all a dream, isn’t it? A beautiful woman with whiskey and cigars wanting to have sex with me? I must be dreaming.”<\/p>\n

Suddenly he is woken up by a flash of lightning. It’s the middle of the night, and he is all alone in his primitive shelter on his desert island. So alone, so terribly alone.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

. . . for ancient jokes. From Something Awful. I think they’re funnier than the originals: A man has been trapped on a desert island for eight years. One day, he sees a boat on the horizon and lights a fire to let it know he is there. The boat comes towards the shore. On […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-185","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-a-series-of-tubes"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/185","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=185"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/185\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=185"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=185"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pwoodford.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=185"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}