IN VINO VERITAS

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.079 (Seven Nine)
A Mouthful of Singha
Alcoholics' Anthem
Beer
Beer Run
Breathalyzed
Bruces' Philosophers Song
Dough, Ray, Me
Drink!
D.U.I.
Free Beer
Give Me that Good Old Vino
Glorious, Victorious (Beer, Beer, Beer)
History of Beer
I Want a Beer
In Heaven There is no Beer
Let's Have a Party
More Beer
Old Pacific Sea
One Evening in October
Pissed
Pub With No Beer
Rye Whiskey
Salvation Army Song
Shiner Beer
Singha Cock
Shitty Beer
Thank God They Brought Some Beer
That Good Ol' Hashin' Brew



.079 (SEVEN NINE)

Melody - Jingle Bells
By Shitshaper

A hash in Guadalupe,
We hit about five bars,
Then we went to Elmer's
But it was pretty far.

My seatbelts they are broke,
This the cops did see,
They stopped me in the parking lot,
Oh, man I gotta pee.

CHORUS:
Seven-Nine, Seven-Nine,
I am not in jail,
Seven-Nine, Seven-Nine,
Thank god I didn't fail.

He came to the window,
Thought he'd take a look,
Smelled a little alcohol,
And that was all it took.

They gave a drunk test,
Which I sure did pass,
Then they had me breathalyzed,
So they could fry my ass.

Chorus

The limit is Eight-Ohhh,
I think I am gonna cry,
But when the reading came
Back, it was Seven-Nine.

The cops they let me go,
My course from then was clear,
I'm going in that fuckin' bar,
And drink a lot BEER!

Final Chorus

Seven-Nine, Seven-Nine,
I am not in jail,
Seven-Nine, Seven-Nine,
(slowly)
'Cause who would pay my bail!

A MOUTHFUL OF SINGHA
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Melody - A Spoonful of Sugar

CHORUS:
Just a mouthful of Singha makes the jism go down,
The jism go down, the jism go down,
Just a mouthful of Singha makes the jism go down,
In the most delightful way.

A young girl feathering her nest,
Has very little time to rest,
She must make each and every short time count,
And though she'd like to go to bed,
She knows she must give head,
But she knows a swig,
Will help it slide down quick.

He didn't want to be a boy,
That's why he is now a katoey,
Preying on drunken tourists late at night,
And though his rear end isn't funny,
He knows he'll make his money,
Giving head on the beach,
With something to stop that retch.

A young man trying to get along,
Had better not do any wrong,
If he wants to make chief on a western boat,
And though he's bought the boss some drink,
And tipped his wife the wink,
He'll find in the end,
He's still sucking a bell-end.

A young wife won't get very far,
If she can't get that brand new car,
But hubby, the old miser, won't give in,
But she knows she'll soon have those keys,
As she gets down on her knees,
You shouldn't drink and drive,
But with jism it's all right.

ALCOHOLIC'S ANTHEM
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Melody - Men of Harlech

What's the use of drinking tea,
Indulging in sobriety,
And teetotal perversity?
It's healthier to booze.
What's the use of milk and water?
These are drinks that never oughter,
Be allowed in any quarter.
Come on, lose your blues,
Mix yourself a shandy,
Drown yourself in brandy,
Sherry sweet,
Or whisky neat,
Or any kind of liquor that is handy.
There's no blinking sense in drinking,
Anything that doesn't make you stinking,
There's no happiness like sinking,
Blotto to the floor.
Put an end to all frustration,
Drinking may be your salvation,
End it all in dissipation,
Rotten to the core.
Aberrations metabolic,
Ceilings that are hyperbolic,
There are for the alcoholic,
Lying on the floor.
Vodka for the arty,
Gin to make you hearty,
Lemonade was only made,
For drinking if your mother's at the party,
Steer clear of home-made beer,
And anything that isn't labeled clear,
There is nothing else to fear,
Bottom's up, my boys.

BEER
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Melody - Its Own
The Asylum Street Spankers

Speed is a drag, it's a big, big drag,
Set your mind on fire, make your organs sag.
Coke is a joke, rather take a toke,
Than be broken, and a-chokin' with your brain cells smokin'.
Trippin' on acid, makes you flaccid, DMT's too rich for me.
Heroin, aquarium, with a nice pine box to burry 'em, Marijuana makes me wanna, eat candy and eat(f*ck) Madonna,
With her hair bleached by peroxide, huffin' on some nitrous oxide.

Chorus:
Well I tried 'em all and it might sound queer
But my favorite drug is an ice cold beer
Beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer.
Beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer.

I get thrills from pills and maybe chills,
From Robitussin and a bottle of NyQuil.
XTC's OK with me, on airplane glue you sneeze - achoo.
Mohawk girl with a needle in her neck,
Nervous wreck, gonna call collect.
Nicotine is so obscene,
Caffeine only makes me mean.
Huffin' spray paint ain't so quaint,
It gives you headaches and makes you faint.
Hash is a gas like a blast from the past,
But finding $100.00 is a pain in the ass.

Chorus

BEER RUN
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Melody - Its Own
Todd Snider
Additional Verses from Orchid Gina, Big Heads H3, SD

B double E double R-U-N, Beer Run
B double E double R-U-N, Beer Run
All you need is a ten and a fiver,
A car and a key and a sober driver
B double E double R-U-N, Beer Run

Additional Verses

L-E-S-B-I-A-N, Lesbian
L-E-S-B-I-A-N, Lesbian
All you need is some chick-on-chick
And a bunch of toys that look like dicks
L-E-S-B-I-A-N, Lesbian

F-A-G-G-O-T-T, Faggott
F-A-G-G-O-T-T, Faggott
All you need is a couple of dudes
And a great big bucket of lube
F-A-G-G-O-T-T, Faggott

O-R-G-A-S-M, Orgasm
O-R-G-A-S-M, Orgasm
All you need is your own little self
You donít need any help
O-R-G-A-S-M, Orgasm

H-A double S-H-I-T, Ha-shit
H-A double S-H-I-T, Ha-shit
You have to wear it all damn day
Thatís the price you have to pay
H-A double S-H-I-T, Has-shit

(Disclaimer from Orchid: Faggott & Ha-shit are spelled incorrectly, duh!)

BREATHALYZED
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Melody - Yesterday
Contributed by ZiPpy, Pike's Peak H4

Breathalyzed,
Crystals turning green before my eyes.
I can hardly realize, that I have just been breathalyzed.

Suddenly,
There's a policeman standing over me.
I'd like to punch him but he's six foot three,
And I would like to stay alive.
He said, We'd like to test your blood for alcohol
I said, Go away, you'll get nothing, Dracula.

Reality,
Five hundred milligrams per 100 mils.
Now they reckon, I'm a mobile still,
and I have to be penalized.

Custody,
When they took me to the local mick,
I've never seen a policeman move so quick,
But not as quick, as I got sick

Misery,
And the judge says I must join A A
And take the bus for 60 days.
Oh, why did I get breathalized?

BRUCES' PHILOSOPHERS SONG
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Melody - Itself
From Monty Python (copyrighted material)

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable.
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table.
David Hume could out-consume
Wilhelm Freidrich Hegel.
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as sloshed as Schlegel.

There's nothing Neitszche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist,
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.
Plato, they say, could stick it away,
Half a crate of whiskey every day.
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,
Hobbes was fond of his dram.
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart,
"I drink, therefore I am."

Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed,
A lovely little thinker,
But a bugger when he's pissed.

DOUGH, RAY, ME
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Melody - Do, Re, Mi
Contributed by Tracy Murphy

Dough, the stuff, that buys me beer,
Ray, the guy who serves me beer,
Me, the guy, who drinks me beer,
Fa, a long way to the john,
So, I'll have another beer,
La, I'll have another beer,
Tea, no thanks I'll have a beer,
And that brings us back to,
Dough . . . (etc)

DRINK
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Melody - Sing!

Drink
Drink the beer
Belch out loud
Belch out strong
Drink of good times not bad
Drink of plenty not one.
Drink
Drink the beer
Down it quick to make it through the song
Don't worry that it's not good enough
For anyone else to down
Just drink
Drink the beer
Burp, burp, burp, burp, burp, etc . . .

D.U.I.
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Melody - Jingle Bells
Contributed by ZiPpy, Pike's Peak H4, and attributed to Pittsburgh resident Bob Blevins

Suckin down a beer
Feelin' pretty loose
Just killed off a fifth
We're running out of booze.
I got Grandmas' keys
Lets go for a ride
What fun it is
To get so stinkin' drunk that you can't drive!

Oh! DUI, DUI, life is just a game.
Oh what fun it is to ride in someone elses' lane.
Oh! DUI, DUI, throw up on the dash.
We'd go to the liquor store but we ain't got no cash!

Sliding 'round the curve
In Grandma's Cadillac.
She won't even notice
If we don't bring it back (She's old!).
Look at all the sparks
Flashin' from the side.
That gaurd rail sure is close
I think we're gonna die!

Oh! DUI, DUI, fearless guys are we.
Someone roll the window down, I really gotta pee.
Oh! DUI, DUI, ride up on the curb.
Hit that asshole on the sidewalk, it's too late to swerve!

Riding through the town
Running every light
And if we find some Arabs
We're gonna start a fight (That's right!).
We would stop for breakfast
But we just hit a truck.
Grandma's got insurance
So we don't give a *BELCH!*

Oh! DUI, DUI, cops are on our ass.
Watch me push 'em off the road as they begin to pass.
Oh! DUI, DUI, now we're goin' to jail.
(slowly)
Someone better call Grandma
So she can
post . . .
our . . .
bail!

FREE BEER
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Melody - Its Own

Free beer, free beer,
That's my favorite brand,
If I didn't have to by it,
It's the best beer in the land!
Warm, flat, funky.
It don't matter to me,
My favorite beer in this whole world,
Is the one you give to me!

GIVE ME THAT GOOD OLD VINO
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Melody - Itself

I like my gin - it helps me get in,
But give me that good old vino.
I like my vino,
It gives me a stand supremo.

CHORUS:
Aye, yi-yi-yi,
Si, si, senora,
My seester Belinda she pissed out the winder,
And filled my brand new sombrero.

I like my Shiner - nothing could be finer,
But give me my . . .

OTHER VERSES:
I like my brandy - it makes me feel randy
I like my Anker - it helps me wank-a
I like my stout - it helps me get out
I like my martini - it's good for the weenie
I like my rum - it helps me come
I like my coke-a - it helps me poke-a
I like my beer - it helps gonorrhea
I like my wine - it stiffens the vine
I like my port - it helps me disport
I like my claret - it stiffens the carrot
I like my liquor - it makes me come quicker
I like my schnapps - it helps cure the clap
I like my Foster - it helps me accost her
I like my Sam Adams - it gives me orgasms
I don't like my Schlitz - it gives me the shits
I don't like my Bud - it softens the pud
I don't like my Zima - it gives me eczema
I don't like my Coors - it tastes like old sewers
I like my cider - it helps me fit inside her
I like my lager - it helps me feel larger
I like my whisky - it makes me feel frisky
I don't like light beer - it makes me queer
I like my champers - it helps fill my pampers
I like my Jack Daniels - it helps me fuck spaniels
I like my Mateus - it makes women loose

GLORIOUS, VICTORIOUS (BEER, BEER, BEER)
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Melody - Itself

Beer, beer, beer, beer
Beer, beer, beer, beer
Drunk last night,
Drunk the night before,
Gonna get drunk tonight,
Like I've never been drunk before,
Cause when I'm drunk I'm as happy as can be,
Cause we're all part of the Hash House family.

Oh the Hash Family
Is the best family
To ever
Come over
From Old Germany.
There's the High Hash Drunks
There's the Low Hash Drunks
There's the Asian Drunks
And the other damn drunks.

CHORUS:
Singing glorius,
Victorious!
Hey!!!
One keg of beer for the four of us.
Singing Glory be to God that there are no more of us,
Cause one of us could drink it all alone
Damn near, pass the beer, to the rear, of the Hash House Harriers!

(sung to "If You Wanna go to Heaven Clap Your Hands")
There are no serious Hashers by the Bay (by the Bay),
There are no serious Hashers by the Bay (by the Bay),
'Cause they're all a bunch of queers
Who get drunk on half a beer
There are no serious Hashers by the Bay!

There are no serious Hashers in L. A.,
There are no serious Hashers in L. A.,
Because the smog blocks out the sun
And they don't know how to run
There are no serious Hashers in L. A.!

There are no serious Hashers in New York,
There are no serious Hashers in New York,
'Cause they talk like Donald Duck
And they don't know how to fuck
There are no serious Hashers in New York!

There are no serious Hashers in F. L. A.,
There are no serious Hashers in F. L. A.,
Because they all wear string bikinis
And the guys have little wienies
There are no serious Hashers in F. L. A.!

Oh there are no female Hashers in the Rockies,
Oh there are no female Hashers in the Rockies,
Cause when they're running through the trees
Their tits are at their knees
Oh there are no Female hashers in the Rockies!

There are no serious Hashers in the Navy,
There are no serious Hashers in the Navy,
Because they're all on little boats
Making love to sheep and goats
There are no serious Hashers in the Navy!

Oh there are no honest Hashers in D. C.,
Oh there are no honest Hashers in D. C.,
Cause they're taking all our money
While they're fucking our sweet honies
Oh there are no honest Hashers in D. C.!

There are no serious Hashers in K. Y.,
There are no serious Hashers in K. Y.,
'Cause they're all a bunch of hicks
Who are playing with their pricks
There are no serious Hashers in K. Y.!

There are no serious Hashers in Calgary,
There are no serious Hashers in Calgary,
'Cause they'll wade through waist deep snow
Just to give a cow a blow
There are no serious Hashers in Calgary!

There are no serious Hashers from the South,
There are no serious Hashers from the South,
With their necks of crimson red
And their cousins they will wed
It's a sure sign that they are all inbred!

There are no serious Hashers in Milwaukee,
There are no serious Hashers in Milwaukee,
'Cause the men all ride on Hogs
And the women howl like dogs
There are no serious Hashers in Milwaukee!

HAVE ANOTHER PLEASE: THE MURREE BEER SONG
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Melody - Itself

We must leave this club of ours
In another week or two
Where we spent so many hours
Drinking murree's famous brew

CHORUS:
Have another please,
Only three rupees,
Warm and weak and no too clear,
There is nothing like Murree Beer

From the crystal springs of murree,
From the cooling waters flow,
Fragrance fresh from last night's curry
Donkey, goat and buffalo

Think before you have another
Of the places its been through
Its been passed by somebody or other
Long before it gets to you

Our new club is so expensive,
We can't pay, we wish we could
Everything is so expensive
But the beer is just as good

Have another please,
Only five rupees,
Warm and weak,
And not too clear
There's nothing like a Murree Beer!

THE HISTORY OF BEER
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Melody - ???

Oh, a long time ago way back in history,
When all people had to drink were little cups of tea,
Along came a man by the name of Charlie Mops,
And he invented a wonderful drink.
He gave it the name of slops.

CHORUS:
Oh, he ought to be an admiral, a sultan, or a king,
And to his praises, we will always sing,
Look what he has done for us,
He's filled us all with cheer,
Here's to Charlie Mops, the man who invented BEER!

Oh, the Ah Soo, the New Wah Seng, the Sing Tong Lam as well,
Wherever you may drink, it's Charlie's slops they sell.
So raise your stein and drink your fill,
At half-past one it stops,
For five small seconds, remember Charlie Mops.
A-ONE, A-TWO, A-THREE, FOUR, FIVE!
(repeat chorus)

I WANT A BEER
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Melody - I Want a Girl Just Like the Girl That Married Dear Old Dad

I want a beer, just like the beer
That pickled dear old dad.
It was a beer, and the only beer that Daddy ever had.
A real old-fashioned beer with lots of foam;
It took six men to carry Daddy home,
Oh, I want a beer, just like the beer that wiped out my old man.

IN HEAVEN THERE IS NO BEER
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Melody - Its Own

In Heaven there is no beer
(No beer?!)
That's why we drink it here
And when we're all gone from here
Our friends will be drinking all the beer.

In Heaven there is no wine
(No wine?!)
So we drink till we feel fine
And when we leave this all behind
Our friends will be drinking all the wine.

In Heaven there is no fear
(No fear)
So we worry too much here
And we drink ourselves full of beer
To help us when we deal with the fear.

In Heaven there are no drugs
That's why we hang with thugs
And when the Lord pulls the plug
All the thugs will still be selling drugs, yeah.

In Heaven there is no sex
(Oh no!)
So let's do that next
And when our muscles no longer flex
Someone else will be having sex.

In Heaven there are no wars
Or cars, or movie stars
And when we no longer are
The world will probably still be having wars.

LET'S HAVE A PARTY
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Melody - Money Makes the World Go Around

CHORUS:
Parties make the world go around,
The world go around, the world go around,
Parties make the world go around,
Let's have a party!

We're gonna tear down the bar! BOO!
We're gonna build a new bar! RAY!
One inch deep! BOO!
Two miles long! RAY!
Soda's goinna be five dollars a glass! BOO!
Whiskey's gonna be free! RAY!
We're gonna dump the beer in the pool! BOO!
Then we're all going swimming! RAY!
There'll be no bartenders at our bar! BOO!
Only barmaids! RAY!
In long dresses! BOO!
Made of cellophane! RAY!
You can't take our girls to your rooms! BOO!
Our girls'll take you to their rooms! RAY!
But you can't sleep with our girls! BOO!
Our girls won't let you sleep! RAY!
No fuckin' on the dancin' floor! BOO!
And no dancin' on the fuckin' floor! RAY!

MORE BEER
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Melody - Amazing Grace
By Spaceman, Buffalo HHH

CHORUS:
A nice cold beer, How sweet it sounds.
To save a drunk like me.
(stop, drink a beer, catch your breath and resume)

I finished 1, but I'm not done,
More beer, More beer, More beer.

I love my wife, I love my beer.
But if I had to choose.
My dear old wife, who I love with my life,
Would most undoubtedly lose.

(CHORUS)

I finished off 2, but I'm not through,
More beer, More beer, More beer.

I love my truck, I love my beer
But if I had to choose,
I'd sell my 4X4, Of which I do adore.
For beer I'd walk to the store.

(CHORUS)

I finished off 3, now I have to pee
More beer, More beer, More beer.

I love to fuck, I love my beer
but If I had to choose
It's beer for me, unless her pussy,
tastes like more beer, more beer.

(CHORUS)

I finished off 4, but still want more,
More beer, More beer, More beer.

I love my dog, I love my beer,
but if I had to choose,
I sell my pet, to the vet,
A dog for beer more beer.

(CHORUS)

I finished off 5, I'm still alive,
More beer, More beer, More beer.

I love my MOM, I love my beer
but If I had to choose,
That drunken whore, It's me she bore,
Still I choose more beer more beer.

(CHORUS)

I finished off 6, I've had my fix, (Or: "still need my fix"...to con't song!)
Now you all must drink more beer.

(More verses from Nature Boy, Cleveland H4)

I love my house, I love my beer
But if I had to choose
My house might might burn down, But I could still pound
More beer, more beer, more beer

(CHORUS)

I just had 7, not yet to 11
More beer, more beer, more beer

I love my guns, I love my beer
But if I had to choose
If my aim is bad, then I'm still glad
To have more beer, more beer

(CHORUS)

I just had 8, it's not to late
To drink more beer, more beer

I love fishing, I love my beer
But if I had to choose
If I lost my line, I wouldn't whine
I'd drink more beer, more beer

(CHORUS)

I just had 9, I'm feeling fine
More beer, more beer, more beer

I love NASCAR, I love my beer
But if I had to choose
If I lost the race, I'd get shit-faced
More beer, more beer, more beer

(CHORUS)

I just had 10, Don't know when to say when
More beer, more beer, more beer

I love my porch, I love my beer
But if I had to choose
My rocking chair, won't always be there
So I count on beer, more beer

(CHORUS)

I just had 11, but I'm still getting
More beer, more beer, more beer

I love my tools, I love my beer
But if I had to choose
If my power-drill exploded, I'd go get loaded
On beer, more beer, more beer

(CHORUS)
I just had 12, from off my shelf
More beer, more beer, more beer

As you can tell, I love my beer
I'm such a drunk, you see?
When I fall down, you can drink my next round
More beer, more beer, more beer!!

(Additional verses by Annabelle)

I love the Queen, I love my beer
But if I had to choose
The royal family I'd slaughter, for wheat, hops and water
More beer more beer more beer

I love my husband, I love my beer
But if I had to choose
I'd take half his money, and say goodbye honey
More beer more beer more beer

I love my car, I love my beer
But if I had to choose
I'd dump my car, In Exeter (or, and head to the bar)
More beer more beer more beer

THE OLD PACIFIC SEA
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Melody - ???

I was down by Bondi Pier,
Sucking tubes of ice cold beer,
With a bucket full of prawns upon my knee.
When I swallowed the last prawn,
I had a Technicolor yawn,
And I chundered in the old Pacific Sea.

CHORUS:
Drink it up, drink it up,
Crack another dozen tubes or so with me.
If you want to blow your voice,
Mate, you've got no other choice,
But to chunder in the old Pacific Sea.

I was down by the great surf,
When a mate of mine called Murph,
Asked if he could crack a tube or three with me.
Well, he barely swallowed it,
When he went for the big spit,
And he chundered in the old Pacific Sea.

CHORUS:
I've had liquid laughs in bars,
I've chundered from moving cars,
And I've chundered where and when it pleases me.
But if I could choose the spot,
To regurgitate the lot,
Then I'd chunder in the old Pacific Sea.

ONE EVENING IN OCTOBER
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Poem by Benjamin Hapgood Burt

One evening in October, when I was one-third sober,
An' taking home a "load" with manly pride;
My poor feet began to stutter, so I lay down in the gutter,
And a pig came up an' lay down by my side;
Then we sang "It's all fair weather when good fellows get together,"
Till a lady passing by was heard to say:
"You can tell a man who 'boozes' by the company he chooses"
And the pig got up and slowly walked away.

PISSED
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Melody - My Way
By Neptunus, The Hague HHH

And now, the beer is near
And so I'll face the golden fluid
My friend, I'll say it clear
Without the beer, I wouldn't be here

I've tried low alcohol beer
But then I've been on every highway
But more, much more than this
I didn't get pissed

Regrets, I've had so many
So then again, back to the real booze
I'll do what hashers do
And carry this load on my shoulders

I'll drink each brand of beer
Until it makes me feel quite queer
But more, much more than this, I like to be pissed

Yes there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I drank more than I should do
But thru it all, even be-ing sick
I drank it all and spit it out
I faced the toilet
And I stood tall
And regretted be-ing pissed

I laughed, but then I cried
Because there isn't any beer left
And now, I realize
I didn't find it so amusing

To think, I drank all that
And may I say, "Not in a shy way"
Oh no, oh not me, I want to be pissed

For what is a hasher
Without a beer
If there is none
Then he stays sober
He'll say the things he truly feels
And not the slime, just to get laid

The harriettes know and make sure
A harrier stays pissed.

THE PUB WITH NO BEER
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Melody - Sweet Betsy from Pike?

CHORUS:
It's a bastard away from the women and all,
With a pain in the guts from a great lover's ball,
But there's nothing so lonely, shocking, or queer,
Than to knock off a barmaid that's got gonorrhoea.
The publican's anxious for the chemist to come,
He's looking with lust at the barmaid's big bum,
He's waiting to give her a belt up the back,
But without a French letter he might get the jack.

The stockman rides in with a masterly stroke,
Takes the pants off her and gives a poke,
The look on his face quickly turns into fear,
When the barmaid informs him he just got gonorrhoea.

The swaggie tramps in undoing his fly,
He says, "Give me a poke or I'll shoot in your eye."
The stockman jumps up and says, "Don't do it, mate."
But the swaggie says sadly, "It's too bloody late."

Billy the blacksmith, the first time in his life,
Goes home for a roger with his darling wife,
As he walks in the bedroom, she says with a sneer,
"Without a Frenchie, you'll get nothin' here."

There's a dog on the verandah, still sufferin' from shock,
He's just seen the size of old Billy's cock,
He dashes for cover and cringes in fear,
Billy's sure to root something; I'm movin' from here!

RYE WHISKEY
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Melody - Itself

Rye whiskey, rye whiskey,
Rye whiskey, I cry.
If I don't get rye whiskey,
I surely will die.

If the ocean were whiskey,
And I were a duck,
I'd swim to the bottom,
And drink my way up.

Sometimes I drink whiskey,
Sometimes I drink gin,
It doesn't really matter,
The state that I'm in.

Sometimes I drink whiskey,
Sometimes I drink rum,
I only do that,
When I want to come.

SALVATION ARMY SONG
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Melody - North Atlantic Squadron
(Last verse by Flying Booger)

We're coming, we're coming,
Our brave little band,
On the right side of justice,
We'll all take a stand.
We don't smoke tobacco because we all think,
That people who smoke are likely to drink.

CHORUS:
Away, away with rum by gum,
With rum by gum, with rum by gum,
Away, away with rum by gum,
The song of the Salvation Army.
Rum chug-a-lug, rum chug-a-lug, rum bum bum.

We never eat fruit cake,
Cause fruit cake has rum,
And one little bite turns a man to a bum.
Oh, can you imagine a sorrier sight,
Than a man eating fruit cake until he is light?

We never eat cookies,
Cause cookies have yeast,
And one little bite turns a man to a beast.
Oh, can you imagine a greater disgrace,
Than a man in the gutter with crumbs on his face?

There's Viceroy cigarettes for people who think,
And Ban deodorant for people who stink,
But thinking and stinking are not right by me,
I get my kicks from Saigon tea.

We never eat candy, 'cause candy has brandy,
And brandy is known to make a drunk randy.
Oh, can you imagine a sight more disgustin',
Than a sot in the gutter with his loins a-thrustin'?

SHINER BEER

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Melody - ???
Contributed by ZiPpy, Pike's Peak H4, probably composed by Austin hashers

In the town of Shiner in the Lone Star State,
They're brewing a beer that tastes really great,
Makes me want to masturbate.
Oh, I love Shiner Beer,
Grab yourself a fist of lard,
Work it up nice and hard,
Shoot your jism 'cross the yard.
Oh, I love Shiner Beer.

Mmm, mmm, mmm, tastes so good,
Yes, yes, yes, like I knew it would,
Take advice from this old corner,
It don't matter if you're a loner,
Go ahead and cop that boner,
If you got Shiner Beer.
All you ladies everywhere,
Hold onto your underwear,
Shiner makes you lose your cares,
Oh, I love Shiner Beer.

Mmm, mmm, mmm, tastes so good
Yes, yes, yes, like I knew it would,
(slowly)
Shiner, the best beer brewed in the cunt-tree.

SINGHA COCK
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Melody - Those Were the Days

Once there was a time that we'd fuck all night,
Now any more than once a month, no way,
I'm always asking for a little extra,
But you shy away and say, "Oh, not today."

CHORUS:
'Cause you've got Singha cock,
Some girls have all the luck,
They get it day and night for weeks on end,
But you won't look at me,
It's really sad to see,
What that limp Singha cock has done to me.

I used to worry about another woman,
Who was taking you away from me,
But then I learned the cause of your deflation,
Wasn't someone else sat on your knee.

CHORUS: It was that Singha cock, etc . . .

So boys as you swig upon that bottle,
Please remember what we have to say,
If you want to play when you go home horny,
Push that one last bottle out of the way.

CHORUS: Or you'll get Singha cock, etc . . .

SHITTY BEER
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Melody - Joy to the World by 3 Dog Night
By Cold box, Magic City H3

Jeremiah was a hasher,
Always acted kinda weird,
I never understood a damn thing he did,
But I helped him drink his beer.
--and he always had some really shitty beer!

(Chorus)
Shitty beer--for the hash,
Shitty beer-- bought with hashcash!!
Shitty beer for' dfl' and 'frb',--
Shitty beer for you and me!

If I was the hare of the hash,
Tell you how it'd be,
All you assholes would all go home,
All the beer would be for me!
All that beer for me!

(Repeat Chorus)

You know I love you hashers,
We always have lots of fun,
But if it really came down to it--
You know we'd rather drink than run!!
Beer drinking is way more fun!!

(Repeat Chorus)

THANK GOD THEY BROUGHT SOME BEER
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Melody - I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry (Hank Williams)
Written by Red Foreskin, Mr. Texas Interhash 2002

Did you ever see a trail so long....
No hash marks far or near?
Those God-damned hares fucked up this trail....
But, thank God!, they brought some beer.

Did you ever wonder how those hares....
Got from there to here?
They were lost at the start, couldn't fish, fuck, or fart....
But, thank God!, they brought some beer.

If these God-damned hares ever lay a real trail......
I'll gladly stand up and cheer!
The trail it sucked! The pack got fucked.....
But, thank God! they brought some beer.

THAT GOOD OL' HASHIN' BREW
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Melody - That Good Ol' Mountain Dew
An original from Seldom Cumz

Give me that good ol' hashin' brew, brew, brew,
Them that refuse it are few,
You'll hush up your mug,
When you down-down a jug,
Of that good ol' hashin' brew!