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Copyright 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014 by Paul Woodford. All rights reserved.

The Dog Is Back … Sort of

Screen Shot 2014-02-08 at 8.58.40 AMAbout a year ago most of Stray Dog’s Hash House Harrier web empire went down. The cover page is still up, but it’s all out of date and none of the links work. It appears he’s turned his back on the entire project.

Hashers have been trying to get in touch with SD for various reasons. Since they believe I’m in intermittent touch with him, they sometimes turn to me in their attempts to contact him. Sorry, but I don’t know much more than you do. Here’s what I do know:

SD has started a business in Mobile, Alabama. It’s a diner, as you see in the graphic to the left. Click here to visit the website, or click on the graphic. Good luck contacting SD through the website, though … it doesn’t contain a contact link or address. I wonder what hungry people in Mobile do? Call information? If anyone out there really needs to get in touch with SD, perhaps to get rego money back, that’s what you’re going to have to do.

By the way, the only reason I know SD’s new diner is in Mobile, Alabama is because a friend of his told me. The website doesn’t contain even that bit of crucial information! Oh, Stray Dog, for someone who tells everyone he’s an expert on website design, you sure don’t seem to have a grasp of the basics!

But here’s the point: I wish SD well in his new venture. I hope it’s a success. If I’m ever in Mobile I’ll swing by for breakfast and a cup of joe. I’m happy he’s no longer sowing confusion and anger in the hashing community, but I have a forgiving nature and will not file this post under the “douchebaggery” category where I filed previous Stray Dog posts. Christ, I’m noble, ain’t I?

——————–

I’m about to begin my eighth year of sobriety. It’s going well. I’m still hashing, and not once in seven years have I been tempted to drink, even when I’m in the circle or an on-after bar, surrounded by hashers who are drinking.

I would have said I’m over the hump, but then I read that Philip Seymour Hoffman relapsed after 23 years of living straight. Now I’m kind of frightened. Then again, if I make it 23 years I’ll be well into my 80s, and who’ll give a shit if I take a tipple on my deathbed? So there’s that.

Anyway, every now and then I get email from fellow sober hashers (and a lot of email from hashers who plan to get sober), and I wanted to share one with you:

Booger, Greetings!

I’ve come across your Half-Mind publishings years ago while reading up on Hash history. Just now I found your blog, and have been checking out your rants.

Your Hash history is much deeper than mine (I started in 2001) but we have much in common. I’m a former Air Force pilot, RA for the ________ H3, Founder, GM, Chief Cook & Bottle washer for the ________ H3, and an alcoholic. I’ve been sober for 2 1/2 years and am still an active hasher. It’s been interesting, but all my friends in the ________ hashes have been very supportive.

I thought I’d drop you a line, those of us who’ve sobered up but still enjoy the hash and its camaraderie are a bit rare.

Well, hey, it cheered me up. What can I say? Here’s to all the sober hashers out there!

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Harriers MCH3 Mash Trash: 1/26/14

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Tom Mix Memorial

The fourth Sunday of every month is motorcycle hash day, so the Tucson Chapter of Harriers MCH3 took to the road. Flying Booger met Wankers Aweigh and Hot Legs at their house on the northeast side of Tucson. Wankers and Hot Legs mounted their BMW, Flying Booger and NHN Sally climbed on the Gold Wing, and the small but intrepid pack rode north.

Trail followed back roads from Tucson north to Florence, turned west to Coolidge and Casa Grande, then south and on-home to Tucson. Our hare, Flying Booger, set four checks: the Tom Mix Memorial on AZ Hwy 79; the lovely town of Florence; the Casa Grande Ruins National Memorial at Coolidge; Casa Grande for down-downs and lunch.

That’s us at the Tom Mix Memorial. You can click on it to see the large original on Flickr. Tom Mix was a cowboy star in the silent film days. The memorial marks the spot where he died in 1940, the victim of a car crash. People still tape photos of Mix to the memorial, and as you can see someone recently left flowers too. That’s Tony the Wonder Horse on top.

What can I say about Florence? Piss break. Gas. Prisons. Oh, and KCDX, 103.1 on the FM dial, a private radio station playing 60s and 70s classics 24/7, the best thing — the only best thing — about Florence, Arizona. We got out of there pretty quick, but I kept the station on my radio until we rode out of range, and I’m streaming it now on my desktop.

It was a short ride from Florence to Coolidge and the Casa Grande Ruins. This was our cultural-educational beer check, and we spent about an hour there. All the years I’ve lived in Arizona, I didn’t even know what it was, other than that “casa grande” means “big house.” Turns out it’s what’s left of a prehistoric desert settlement, mysteriously abandoned in the 1400s. The main structure is the big house itself, a four-story adobe lodge surrounded by the walls of outbuildings.

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The big house

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Outbuildings

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1871 graffiti

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Big house

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Construction

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Owls. Fucking owls.


Flying Booger led the pack the long way round from Coolidge to the modern-day town of Casa Grande, detouring almost all the way north to Chandler before finally finding a side road to take everyone west to I-10 and south to CG. Lunch and down-downs were to be at Picazzo’s in the historic downtown section, but in the sacred tradition of Harriers MCH3 the hare picked a pub that’s closed on Sundays. Fortunately, the Big House Cafe was just across the street, so lunch was eaten, beverages consumed, and down-downs conducted.

The road home was the slab, 75 miles an hour all the way to the exit nearest Wanker’s and Hot Legs’ house. Flying Booger followed them home to drop off NHN Sally, and that concluded the January ride of Harriers MCH3 (Tucson Chapter). Here endeth the mash trash.

In February, traditionally our coldest winter month, we’ll meet and ride somewhere on Sunday the 23rd. Watch our Facebook page for announcements. It was so fun going to an educational destination, we’ll probably do it again. Maybe the mission at Tumacacori, lunch in Tubac? We’ll see. Of course if any of you laggards want to hare, it’s your call!

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Finding Hash Contacts

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Sorry to keep harping on the regional hash contact websites, but too many hashers don’t know they exist. When they want to know if there’s a hash in some other city or country, they ask other hashers on HashSpace or the Hash List. Which is fine, but when they get an answer, it’s only because some better-informed hasher looked up the information on a regional website.

The problem is advertising. For several years, one obnoxious asshole relentlessly flogged his crappy hash website on every available hash forum. He was finally banned and we’re free of his non-stop spamming, but he poisoned the well for every other hash webmaster with something important to contribute. For example, if I spoke too much about the Half-Mind Catalog, which contains the master list of hash clubs and contacts in North, Central, and South America, I’d wind up looking as spammy as that other guy and hashers would accuse me of self-promotion. None of the other regional webmasters want that kind of attention either … the result being that no one advertises and hashers have largely forgotten (or never knew in the first place) that hash contacts in any part of the world can easily be found online.

Our collective invisibility has a secondary effect: because hashers don’t know about the regional websites, they don’t know to send updates when contacts change or new clubs spring up. Webmasters can’t keep contact lists up to date if hashers don’t help out; hashers don’t know webmasters need help because they don’t know the webmasters exist.

Well, I haven’t been the regional webmaster for the Americas for several years now. Hazukashii and Likk’mm took over my Half-Mind Catalog site for a couple of years, and then Ra stepped in and maintains it to this day. I’m a neutral observer these days and no longer care what hashers may say about me … in short, I’m more than willing to help the regional webmasters publicize their important work!

If you’re looking for a hash anywhere in North, Central, or South America … or the Caribbean … Ra’s your man. Just go to the Half-Mind Americas Hash Contact Database and look up your destination. If you represent a hash anywhere in this hemisphere and you have updates, email Ra and he’ll do the actual work of plugging your information into the database. No muss, no fuss. If you’re looking for a hash anywhere else in the world, follow this link to a list of all the regional and national hash contact websites.

Remember, unlike that other guy, none of the regional webmasters want your beer money. They voluntarily collect and publish hash contacts because they’re traveling hashers themselves, and they remember how hard it was to get contact information back in the old days. Please support them so that we don’t wind up going back to the old days!

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PISS Hash Trash: 1/12/14

It was a brilliant morning for a hash in Tucson, Arizona. Unlike some local hash clubs we could name (cough, cough, Pedalfiles, cough), brilliant days bring out the hashing hoards, and that was certainly the case this morning at Udall Park.

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The pack at Udall Park

In the photo, left to right: NHN Victoria, Tastes Like Chicken, Itty Bitty Meat, Jetstream, Unmentionables, Wankers Aweigh, NHN Sally, Hot Legs, Pick’n'Flick, Appendage, Yoda, Dead Fucking Blind, Bareassed-Her. That’s just the human contingent. Also present: The Other White Meat, The Other Red Meat, Red over Red Booger, Low-Flying Booger. Missing: Zorro, occupied laying trail; Flying Booger, busy taking photographs.

Zorro brought along visiting hashers from Cambridge H3 in the UK, Jetstream & Unmentionables. DFB & Bareassed-Her came with a virgin from Peru, NHN Victoria. Wankers & Hot Legs brought another virgin, NHN Sally.

Zorro’s trail led us south through the shiggy behind Udall Park and on to the east side of Pantano Wash, then south to Speedway. Arrows & flour led us into the wash itself through a narrow drainage tunnel, across the shiggy and up a ramp onto the west side of the wash, then north toward Tanque Verde. We were confused to see that the marks Zorro laid were not the marks he said he’d be using at chalk talk, but we came up with a theory to explain the discrepancy: Zorro had laid trail over another club’s trail from the day before.

Boy, were we wrong.

Doubling back north on the west side of Pantano Wash, the front runners decided to shortcut back across the wash toward the start, and studly acts were committed by Hot Legs and her virgin friend NHN Sally when they discovered that although the steep bank on the east side was unscalable, there was another tunnel partway up they could go spelunking through. About this time the DFLs, still on the west bank, saw the hare with the front-running hashers on the east bank of the wash, apparently snared. We DFLs continued north to the bridge at Tanque Verde and caught up with the hare and the front runners, from which point we headed on-in back to Udall Park.

When I teased Zorro about being snared, he denied it and said he’d merely come back to make sure we hadn’t gotten lost on the other hash club’s trail. But I knew better. Strange as it may seem, Zorro had obviously laid one trail, gotten snared, then laid an entire second trail using another hash club’s markings, all so that he could mask the fact he’d been snared by pretending to have come back to lead us in after we’d gotten lost on another club’s trail. An amazing feat in and of itself, probably unprecedented in hashing history, worthy of a gold star in the annals of memorable haring feats.

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By Pantano Wash: Pick’n'Flick, Flying Booger, Red over Red Booger, Low-Flying Booger

Back at the A in Udall Park, with everyone accounted for and present, Flying Booger led the PISS Hash’s patented World’s Shortest Circle™ by honoring the hare and his remarkable attempt to conceal his snaring, welcoming visitors & virgins & rarely-seen hashers like DFB and Bareassed-Her, and plaintively asking if anyone had remembered to bring beer to our BYOB hash. No one had, so after quick announcements from next month’s hares we adjourned to a nearby eatery, the Hog Pit, where dogs were welcome and plenty of beer was to be had.

Next month: IBM & TLC will lay trail through the shiggy near their lonely frontier outpost on the outskirts of Benson. The hash will start at 10AM on Sunday, February the 9th, so be sure to get an early start ’cause it’s 30 miles east of Tucson on I-10. Bring side dishes to share; IBM & TLC will provide the hot dogs. Dress for winter: last time these two hared it snowed. I’ll send out exact information on how to get there in a future email. Directions will also be posted on the PISS H3 Facebook page.

Looking ahead, Wankers Aweigh & Hot Legs are haring in March, Yoda & Appendage in April, Flying Booger & Pick’n'Flick in May.

This has been the monthly report of Flying Booger to the elders of the Pima Independent Sunday Social Hash House Harriers. Here endeth the epistle.

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Pedalfiles Bash Trash: 12/22/13

Pedalfiles H3 needs a GM! Today, Dec 22, was Redheaded Woodpecker’s last bash before moving to East Bumfuck Indiana. Let us know if you’re interested in being our titular leader. We could use some tits. G knows Woodpecker came up short in the that department.

Flying Booger will continue to schedule and announce bashes when we have a hare, which we don’t for January. Well shit now we need two things: a GM and a hare for next month. Let us know if you’re up for either! January bash day is Sunday the 19th.

On-on to December’s Mash Trash:

A huge pack assembled at Deep Dish’s house for this morning’s bash, hared by Deep and 3IY. Said huge pack consisted of Yoda, Zorro, and Flying Booger. Appendage was there as a non-rider, along with Master Meat Finder. The guest of honor, of course, was departing GM Redheaded Woodpecker, who failed to show, so after delaying the start for an hour the hares finally left.

Trail was characteristically bashlike, following neighborhood streets and alleyways, with multiple turns on powder, hidden flour marks, and at least one checkback. Surprise of surprises, there was a beer check at Bob Dobbs’ and the hares treated us to a pitcher, peanuts, and a visit from the guest of honor, who DROVE UP IN A CAR, reeking of whiskey, sex, and the cheap perfume of the floozy he spent the night with, no damn wonder he didn’t wake up in time to attend his own farewell bash! Well, at least we were able to give him a hashlike sendoff. No, no one actually sang Hymn, Hymn, fuck Hymn, but I know we were all thinking it.

Oh, before I forget, check out 3IY’s cool new bike:

secure-bike

They wouldn’t let him bring it inside the bar, so he made sure it was securely locked up outside.

The hares asked for a five-minute head start from the beer check, which should have been a clue but wasn’t. The huge pack quickly lost trail and decided to follow Flying Booger back to Deep’s house, confident we’d pick up the on-in portion of the trail somewhere along the way. But we didn’t, and realized once we got back to the start that there were no hares. Then my cellphone rang, and it was Deep, calling from the SECOND beer check, right across the street from the first one.

And that is why Flying Booger won this month’s hash shit award.

On-afters at Deep’s house were magnificent as always, with tons of food and a lively discussion of who might or might not be willing to be our new GM. As you already know from the first announcement, the chorus of might nots was unanimous.

Thanks to the hares! Thanks to everyone who came. Thanks in advance to our January hare, whoever that may be.

Special thanks, of course, to Redheaded Woodpecker. You were a great GM, and you laid a lot of great bash trails. May you prosper in:

east bumfuck

Future home of East Bumfuck Hash House Harriers, Redheaded Woodpecker, Grand Master

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PISS Hash Trash: 12/8/13

The December meeting of the Pima Independent Sunday Social Hash was at the home of Communicable Disease and Tucson Slew on the east side of Tucson near Park Mall. The hares were CD, Slew, and CD’s grandson NHN Matt. According to CD and Slew NHN Matt planned the trail and did all the work of laying it live.

Following trail was a pack consisting of Her Majesty’s Ho, Captain Einstein, Zorro, Itty Bitty Member, Tastes Like Chicken, Pick’n'Flick, and Flying Booger. Nor must your scribe forget the hash dogs: Pepper and the little white one whose name I can never remember ran with the hares, while the pack was accompanied by Low-Flying Booger, Red over Red Booger, Josie, and Cola … nearly as many canines as humans, including the hares!

Trail wound through the streets, alleys, and dry washes of a surprisingly complex neighborhood, well, surprisingly complex enough to cause Flying Booger and Low-Flying Booger to get so lost they couldn’t tell east from west and had to find a shady spot under a tree to see FB’s cell phone well enough to call up Google Maps in order to find their way back to the A … no one else seemed to have much of a problem.

Along the way, possibly because we had so many dogs of our own with us, we drove every backyard pit bull in east Tucson into a fence-jumping, gate-crashing, furiously-barking frenzy. Fortunately for the hash dogs, the fences were high enough, and the gates strong enough, that none of our erstwhile attackers could get to us.

On-in, circle, and on-afters were at the hares’ home, where we enjoyed chili, cornbread, apple pie, and cupcakes. Flying Booger led the traditional short circle, honoring NHN Matt on his first successful outing as a hare, our hosts, the seldom-seen IBM & TLC, and the even more seldom-seen HM Ho & Capt. Einstein. Lusty pulls to one & all!

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L to R: HM Ho, Pick’n'Flick, Capt Einstein, NHN Matt, CD, Zorro, IBM, Slew, TLC

A great time was had by all, and the hash went in peace.

Next month’s PISS Hash trail will start at Udall Park at 10 AM on January 12, when Zorro will be our hare. Not totally firm, but probable: IBM & TLC to hare in February at their home near Benson, always a great hash and at that time of year possibly even a snowy one. Details TBA by direct email and on our Facebook page.

On On!

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Harriers MCH3 Mash Trash: 11/24/13

We have a couple of woman riders in our group, by which I mean women who ride their own motorcycles, but we’ve never actually seen them on their own bikes. By way of encouraging them I sent links to a cool web site run by women riders, along with a notice about today’s ride, promising back roads and minimal traffic. And what do you know, one of the women emailed back to say she was coming. Since I couldn’t promise good weather (it rained all day yesterday) I told her we’d cancel by email early today if it was still raining. She emailed back with her phone number, asking me to cancel by text instead since she doesn’t always check her email. Okay, can do.

So it dawned chilly and partly cloudy this morning, but the rain was gone and the forecast good. I rode to the designated start, a truck stop on the south side of Tucson, and found Wankers Aweigh waiting there. But no girl rider. So I texted her, asking if she was coming. No answer. We dawdled in the parking lot, but fifteen minutes after the agreed start time, still with no answer or acknowledgment from our missing rider, Wankers and I took off by ourselves.

Halfway to Sonoita, on the promised back road with minimal traffic, a motorcycle came speeding up behind us and I thought “here she is,” but it was just some dude on a sport bike. We let him pass, and then two more came up from behind. Ditto dudes, not our girl. We followed them into Sonoita and parked next to them because we wanted to check out their bikes: the first guy had a new Suzuki, ho hum, but the second guy had an old Honda 750 Four, and the third was riding a Norton Commando. Some class shit there, so I made Wankers take my photo with the Norton. Click the thumbnails to make ‘em bigger:

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Cool Norton

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Wankers

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Booger


After our photo break at Sonoita, Wankers and I rode on to Patagonia for lunch at the Velvet Elvis, then continued in a loop through Nogales and back to Tucson. When I got home several hours later I checked my phone again. No call. No text message. Guess she got a better offer at the last minute. Would have been nice if she’d have taken the trouble to text me, or text me back when I asked whether she was going to make it. After all, she did insist I text her.

I herewith taunt Brazilian Stacks (for that is her hash name): we do not believe she rides at all, or even has a motorcycle. She was just stringing us along. If she wants to prove otherwise, she can show up at the next Harriers MCH3 mash. On time, on her own ride.

But hey, Wankers and I had a great putt. It was 45°F when we left the truck stop, finally getting up to 55°F by the time we were back on the outskirts of Tucson. Hardly any traffic, great roads. It’s the best time of the year to ride in southern Arizona.

Next mash will be just before Christmas, on Sunday, Dec 22. Unless someone else wants to put a ride together, I will, and will get the word out by mid-month.

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Pedalfiles Bash Trash: 11/17/13

I do not get it. It’s the absolute best time of year to be outdoors, whether hashing or bashing or just walking the dogs, and only three of us showed up for the bash this morning. What the hell, people?

Since Deep Dish, me, and our hare Redheaded Woodpecker were the only ones to show up at Shooter’s this morning, we dispensed with the formalities of trail and just rode together for while instead. Deep Dish took the lead and led Woodpecker and me north to the Racquet Club and onto the south side of the Rillito bike path. We were only on the pavement a short time before she veered off into the dirt and shiggy by the path, and we didn’t get back onto pavement until the footbridge at Mountain, where she took us over onto the north bank. This proved to be crowded with civilian pedestrians and riders (good practice for next week’s El Tour de Tucson, at least), and we got back into the shiggy as soon as we could. We eventually crossed south again on Dodge near the JCC, where some skulls caught our eye and we stopped for a photo op.

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We didn’t get a pack, so we decided to get some head instead

After a short 8.5 mile ride we returned to Shooter’s for Bloody Marys. Okay, technically not a bash, since we didn’t insist on Woodpecker laying trail, but still a nice ride and very hashlike.

I just wish I knew where all the other riders have gone … did we do something to piss them off?

Well, we’ll try again next month. Rumor is Woodpecker may put on a special bash on the first Sunday of December, and Deep Dish and 3IY might hare the regular scheduled bash on the third Sunday. Those dates would be Dec 1 and Dec 15. I’ll post details as soon as I know more.

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