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Ask Doctor Down-Down: April 2010


With Dr. Down-Down Without Dr. Down-Down


Dear Hasher, are you DFL, DOT, SOL? Well, cheer up! On-ins are closer than you think. Just ask Doctor Down-Down to show you the way!

Dear Doctor Down-Down,

I need advice, I’m haring in Music City Saturday and we are about to get slammed with snow. How does one mark trail in the snow?

On On,
Driftwood

Dear Driftwood,

Easy. Buy some dry tempera paint powder at any art & crafts supply store and mix it with your flour. Blue works best. You probably want to wear rubber gloves when you hare, otherwise your hands will be blue for a long time.

On On,
Doctor Down-Down

Dear Doctor Down-Down,

I am in possession of Surf City’s hashshit. I don’t want to say who gave it to me, because I think that person is in trouble with SCH3. I was asked to pass it on to other hashers around the country, but I’m going to be in Santa Cruz next month and I’m tempted to give it back instead. What is the hash etiquette on stolen hashshits?

On On,
Please Don’t Use My Name

Dear Don’t,

There’s a long tradition of hashers “liberating” hashshits and mascots from other hashes, but in my experience people who’ve had things taken from them sometimes view it as theft. Hashers once broke into a friend’s hotel room at an interhash and took a stuffed pig from his luggage. My friend carried that pig with him everywhere, and he totally lost his shit when it was stolen. Not funny. I myself was declared officially dead by the Las Vegas hash after I swiped their mascot, Red Woody, and even though I long since gave it back, am not sure they ever forgave me.

Your instinct is the correct one. Take the hashit with you to Santa Cruz and give it back to Surf City H3. You don’t have to tell them who gave it to you.

On On,
Doctor Down-Down

Dear Doctor Down-Down,

My question is have you noticed an uptick in what for want of a better word I’ll call hash poseurs? It seems to me that there are more and more people showing up to hashes who have no idea or interest in hashing per se. It’s like Starbuck’s started out a coffee shop and now is filled with people who have no interest in coffee, they want coffeesque drinks, drinks with a coffee aura and it’s the same with the hash. This came to mind while I was at the Iguanas in Reno over the weekend. I haven’t run with the Iguanas in several years and went because I’d always enjoyed it and to see old friends. What I ran into to a lot of people who are more interested in sporting hash paraphernalia and talking hash than doing hash. When I first started with the Iguanas the butt painting was a cute idea and consisted of the word Iguanas and maybe the name of the city. This weekend it was like writing a novel. The trail on Saturday was delayed for over an hour so more butts could be painted and then delayed again so the entire novel could be a photo op. I chalk this up to the delusion that hashing is for everybody, the bigger the hash the better the hash, and the craving for media attention that brings poseurs out of the woodwork. I can’t help finding these people annoying. Hashing seems to be going the way of Burning Man. I’m interested in what your take on this is, if you have one.

On On,
Hash Curmudgeon

Dear Curmudgeon,

The past is always better than the present, and that is particularly true of hashing. My piss boy Flying Booger has been on a back-to-basics kick for years now, telling anyone who’ll listen how hashing used to be a well-kept secret, simple and pure, good mates and trails and beer yadda yadda . . . Jesus, he can be such a bore on the subject . . . and over time I’ve come to see that he has a point.

When I think of how fast hashing is growing these days, I think of those force-fed chickens down at the Perdue plant. Almost all experienced hashers agree that small is better, old school is better — so why are so many American kennels trying to emulate San Diego, with 200+ members?

What do you do about it? If you’re me, you do the trails but skip the circles. If you’re Flying Booger, you start your own hash and make it invitational. Whatever you do, don’t give up on hashing!

On On,
Doctor Down-Down

Dear Hashers,

Doctor Down-Down here. In light of recent developments in Southern California (which clinic piss boy Flying Booger has blogged about here and here), I have a proposal:

Hashing needs to adopt a rule. What’s the big deal? Gispert never said “no rules.” None of the founders ever said that.

The rule I have in mind is the Fight Club rule:

“The first rule of hashing is, you do not talk about hashing.”

On On,
Doctor Down-Down

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