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Ask Doctor Down-Down: January 2002

Dear Dr. Down-Down,

Here at MVH3 we have gotten in the habit of almost always having Oreo Cookies at the down-downs as one of the food items. Occasionally, hares have been made to drink for not providing Oreos. I’m curious – do any other hashes have “required” food items?

On On,
Roto, Mount Vernon H3

Dear Roto,

At my hash we always have snacks at the On-In, but there are no “required” food items. Some weeks it’s oranges and trail mix; other times we have to settle for sucking Bloody Crack’s toes. But what a coincidence – we had Oreos just last week!  Colin Powell and Bryant Gumble hashed with us.

On On,
Dr. Down-Down

Dear Dr. Down-Down,

This is a true story. It happened to me last month when you sent me on that trip to North Carolina. I figured that as long as I was there over a weekend I’d drop in on the Carolina Trash HHH. I had reason to suspect that the planned trail would be exceptionally wet & nasty, so I decided to shortcut, even though I’d never been there before and had no business doing anything so foolish. The pack went into the woods and I stayed on the road. After a while I passed this old coot walking on the other side of the road. Confederate crush cap, walking stick, old clothes, long beard, etc. I reached a dead end on the road and decided to retrace my steps. Pretty soon I came upon the old coot again, who had now crossed the road to intercept me. I stopped.

He stopped.

He says, “What yew doin’?”

I say, “I’m looking for my friends.”

He says, “They them fellas runnin’ through the woods?”

I say “Yup.”

He says, “They best not be runnin’ through these woods.”

I say, “I don’t think they’re around here, that’s why I’m turning back.”

. . . just then there’s this huge BANG! in the woods not twenty feet from us . . .

“That’d be my son-in-law,” says the old coot.

“Been real nice talkin’ with yew,” says I, and forthwith beat feet.

. . . and that is a true story, as G is my witness. I ain’t ever never gonna shortcut agin . . . .

On On,
Flying Booger
Piss Boy

Dear Piss Boy,

I heered yew squeal like a pig. Yew do it real good, boy!

On On,
Doctor Down-Down

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