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Ask Doctor Down-Down: June 2005

Dear Doctor Down-Down,

I’m a Southern California hasher. Some of our group are planning to drive to Las Vegas next weekend. When I suggested we try to work in a run with the Las Vegas HHH while we’re there, one harriette said they’re a rip-off hash and that we’d be sorry if we ran with them. What the hell is a “rip-off hash”?

On On,
Confused in Long Beach

Dear Doctor Down-Down,

I told a friend I wanted to hook up with the Vegas Hash during an upcoming trip, but he said I should just go gambling instead, that it was a more fun way of throwing away money. So what’s up with the Vegas Hash, and what does hashing have to do with money?

On On,
Concerned San Diegan

Dear Confused & Concerned,

Gee, I hate it when this happens. Okay, here’s the story: a while back LVHHH hosted an invitational hashing campout, and they put the wrong person in charge of catering. The food he provided was skimpy and cheap, and some visiting hashers felt cheated. The miscreant caterer is long gone, and everyone in the LVHHH feels bad about what happened.

Unfortunately, Las Vegas is home to a traveling hasher who continues to spread the story wherever he goes, even now, almost two years later. This traveling hasher is a good friend of mine.  I know he doesn’t mean to give his own hash a bad rep, but based on what I’ve heard from other hashers, and letters like yours, LVHHH has in fact taken one on the chin.

Confused in Long Beach never heard of a “rip-off hash.” That right there should tell you something - when’s the last time you visited a hash and had a horrible time or felt you didn’t get your money’s worth? Sure, there are bad hashers, but how many bad hashes have you ever encountered? I’ve hashed all over the place and can remember only one time when I didn’t have fun at a hash, and that’s because I had the flu and barfed on trail. And I still had fun, sort of.

Everybody goes to Las Vegas, sooner or later. There’s a hash in Las Vegas. A good hash, full of good hashers. A hash that doesn’t deserve a permanent bad rep based on one mistake. I hash in Las Vegas every time I visit, and I always have a great time. Next time you go to Las Vegas, call the hotline at (702) 390-HASH and hook up. You’ll have a great time too, or my name’s not Alfred J. Down-Down!

On On,
Doctor Down-Down

Dear Dr. Down-Down,

Remember those great Don Martin cartoons in the old Mad Magazine? The ones where everyone looked drunk and instead of sound effects like “Pow!” and “Bang!” he’d have all these farty-sounding ones like “FLEEN!” and all the people had floppy feet? Those were good, weren’t they? Mad was really funny. Then they started all that lame shit like “Spy Vrs. Spy” and the fold-ins at the back. Gee, these days the whole magazine sucks. Why is that?

On On,
Stephen Hawking

Dear Mr. Hawking,

Obviously you, like I, first discovered Mad Magazine during the Golden Age . . . when we were thirteen.

On On,
Dr. Down-Down

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