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Ask Doctor Down-Down: March 2006

Dear Doctor Down-Down,

I’ve been having the strangest thing happening to me over the past week. I keep putting my underwear on backwards!! What’s going on here? It looks really odd with a thong (can you say “camel toe”?). Is it the massive amount of over the counter drugs I’m taking for this cold-from-hell? Or am I losing what’s left of my half-mind? And what’s next, putting my hashing shoes on the wrong foot?

On On!
Pay Per View

Dear Ms. View,

After reading your letter I decided to put my underwear on backwards too. I put my head through the fly of my undershorts and worked my arms out through the leg openings. Then I stepped into my T-shirt by putting my legs through the arms and letting my private parts dangle through the neck hole. Since undershirts don’t have elastic bands around the bottom, the only way to keep it up was to pin it to the band of my undershorts, which was around my neck. Then I put socks on each hand, and, finally, put my left shoe on my right foot and my right shoe on my left foot.

I have to tell you, it was damned uncomfortable. I walked two steps and fell down, and wouldn’t you know, Nurse Wretched chose just that moment to barge into my office. Before I could scramble to my feet she was joined by Flying Booger and Sally, and they all had a good laugh at my expense.

All in all, it was an unpleasant experience. Personally, I won’t try it again, but Flying Booger’s already planning a backwards-underwear reverse-shoe theme hash. Now see what you’ve started?

On On,
Doctor Down-Down

Dear Doctor Down-Down,

I stumbled across your site from another cheese site. Not a bad site, but it could use a bit more information. Please don’t take this offensively, maybe adding more information on cheese itself would help.

On On,
Quimby

Dear Quimby,

Ah yes, information on cheese itself.

HHH cheese

As you can see, this is a cheese. In fact, it’s Hash House Harrier Cheese, produced by Swiss hashers and enjoyed by harriers and harriettes around the world. It has a footish aroma with an under-smell of sweat. Its texture is mixed, like hardened mud with bits of shiggy mixed in. Flavorful? Oh yes, and the perfect accompaniment to beer.

The cheesemaster has long been an important member of mismanagement, and many hash kennels¬†provide a cheesemobile in addition to the traditional beermobile and bag wagon. More and more frequently, cheese is substituted for the hash shit, presented to a deserving hasher who must carry the wheel on trail next week. Many’s the poor hasher who’s had to drink a down-down while sitting on an iced wheel of cheese as members of the circle chant the Monty Python Cheese Sketch (complete with bouzouki accompaniment). Cheese checks on trail are becoming common, particularly in California, and it’s rumored that an isolated group of hashers in Papua New Guinea actually believe the founder of the hash was not G, as most hash historians have it, but a wedge of cheese.

Is that enough information for now?

On On,
Doctor Down-Down

Dear Doctor Down-Down,

Can you give me any advice on bringing children to the hash?

On On,
Parenting Hasher

Dear Parent,

Sure. Don’t.

On On,
Doctor Down-Down

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