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Ask Doctor Down-Down: November 2010


With Dr. Down-Down Without Dr. Down-Down


Dear Hasher, are you dead fucking last and shit outta luck? Well, cheer up! On-ins are closer than you think. Just ask Doctor Down-Down to show you the way!

Dear Doctor Down-Down,

I was just at a wedding, where you had to choose whether to sit on the bride’s side or the groom’s side. Whichever side I sat on, I had the overwhelming urge to start loudly chanting, “The Other Side Sucks!” Would “The Other Side” understand that I really meant “The Other Bus”? Should I explain to them that it’s just a hash thing? I don’t think I’ll be invited back to that wedding anytime soon. Can you help me?

On On,
Dick!

Dear Dick!,

Technically, whichever side you’re on? Sucks!

On On,
Doctor Down-Down

Dear Doctor Down-Down,

I want to get your take on starting a new hash in a city that already has one. My main reason for wanting to do this is that as someone with 46 days of sobriety, and twice as many since I’ve been drunk, I have been struggling with the excessive drinking present in my hash, and think that a separate hash, with more of a focus on the “promote physical fitness” side, could be welcomed. Also, they’ve started doing too much “expletive” hash name stuff, rather than finding fitting/humorous names. My question is how do you differentiate between just trying to change the current hash, or forming a separate hash so that the drinkers and people who feel the need to walk and smoke on trail don’t feel left out?

On On,
SSJ

Dear SSJ,

I don’t do sober, so I’m turning your question over to Flying Booger, our clinic’s resident wet blanket.

On On,
Doctor Down-Down

Dear SSJ,

Flying Booger here. When I started the “family hash” in Tucson I hadn’t yet quit drinking, but I was cutting back. I put family hash in quotes because it’s really more adult, but tamer in that we have short circles and kids are welcome — really it’s an adult hash for those who find the main hash a bit too rowdy and boozy for their tastes.

So that’s one angle you could pursue. Or how about just putting out the word that you’re trying to start a “back to basics” hash without all the bells & whistles? Good trails, short circles, a couple of beers with your mates afterward — I find that’s a pretty good draw for hashers who’ve burnt out on long, drunken circles, dress-up theme hashes every weekend, pub crawls with more drinking than hashing, and assholes yelling at you in the circle.

If you want to stay sober yourself, and attract hashers who don’t drink or who drink just a little, I think two elements are key: make it a BYOB hash, and insist that all trails be A-to-A. The biggest encouragement to drinking, I find, is when you’re at a distant B, too far from the cars to get back on your own, with nothing to do but help the pack float the keg.

We have two A-to-A, BYOB hashes in Tucson now, a family hash and a bicycle hash, and it’s amazing what a difference there is between those and the main kennel in terms of moderate drinking. A lot of the same hashers do all three hashes, but they just don’t drink more than one or two beers at the family or bike hash. I really do think it’s the basic setup of those hashes that influences this.

Whatever path you choose with your new hash, I wish you luck.

On On,
Flying Booger

Dear Doctor Down-Down,

I’m signed up for my first Red Dress Run and want to wear a sexy, short dress, but I have really hair legs. Should I shave them or just let them be. Which do the ladies prefer?

On On,
Roger

Dear Roger,

Be true to yourself . . . you know you want to shave your legs, otherwise you wouldn’t be asking the question. So do it already!

Poofter.

On On,
Doctor Down-Down

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