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My Bucket List

Yesterday Dr. Down-Down tagged me with one of those Facebook spam thing. Ever since he discovered social networking, he’s turned into a total adolescent. This one’s called the “Bucket List,” and I have to tell you, it really gives me the beak. Why? Well, for starters, it’s got nothing to do with hashing. For seconds, it isn’t even a bucket list.

We all agree a bucket list is where you write down the things you want to do before you kick the bucket, right? Like in the movie with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman? This thing’s just a long list of activities you’re supposed to check off, depending on whether you’ve done them. And it’s another person’s list, a person who has apparently done exciting stuff like this:

  • Been lost
  • Recently colored with crayons
  • Written a letter to Santa Claus
  • Been skinny-dipping
  • Made prank phone calls

Okay, so I happen to have done all five of those things. What does that have to do with my wishes and aspirations? Of course I’ve been lost! Of course I’ve been skinny-dipping! I’m a hasher! These are things I’ve already done, not things I still want to do. And what’s with all the personal questions at the end?

  • Mother’s name?
  • How much do you love your job?
  • Favorite number?
  • Drive a 2-door or 4-door vehicle?
  • Ever eaten just cookies for dinner?

WTF? Do I want to color with crayons or drive a 4-door car before I die? I already do that stuff! And how does my mother’s name enter into the picture? Like if it’s Eileen I’m one kind of person, but if it’s Jean I’m another? I say again: WTF?

Okay, okay . . . I’ll try to calm down. Maybe there are people out there whose lives are so constrained they dream of doing some of these things before they die. More likely, though, hashers pass this crap back and forth on Facebook because it’s an excuse to go Me Me Me . . . without having to do even a bit of thinking or creative writing.

Dr. Down-Down, grow up and send me a real bucket list. Like this one:

Or this one, which is my own:

  • Learn to fly a helicopter
  • Operate a steam locomotive
  • Go down to a shipwreck in a bathysphere
  • Orbit the earth
  • Write a best-selling novel
  • Buy a tropical island
  • Learn to sail
  • Own a classic motorcycle or car
  • Fly an Su-27M
  • Hash with Mother

I’m not going to put my Jake Young wish on the list, ’cause I don’t want to jinx my chances, but if I ever do get it off with two chicks at the same time, I hope they turn out to be harriettes (you know who you are, ladies). By the way, I reserve the right to amend and modify this list any time I want, right up to the day I join Gispert.

Do you have a bucket list? Let’s see some real ones, hashers, and quit passing this Facebook spooge around!

- Flying Booger

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