One of my favorite hash trashes, from a traditional mens’ hash back in July 2004, recycled here for your pleasure:
I am thinkin if Dick Cheney was to have showed up tonight he woulda told the hares to fuck themselves. But he did not an so we did.
“On no Flyin Booger that must a been horrible, the trail must a been very very bad if you told the hares to fuck themselves!”
I am tellin ya hold yer horses already. So Sloppy had a brainstorm an talked Dirty Sanchez into helpin him pull it off an his brainstorm was Multiple True Trails (DUHN DUHN DUHN DUHN!) all crisscrossin around city blocks between Rincon Market and Dirtbags. Only no one got to Dirtbags ceptin the hares an me an I only got there cause Sloppy told me ahead a time where the beer stop was. An it was a good thing STD had a cell phone an had Dirtys number otherwise it woulda just been me an the hares at Dirtbags. So the rest of the pack, STD, Half-Hashed, an IBM, went back to the start an drove their cars to Dirtbags, an that’s where they told the hares to fuck themselves.
“Oh that is so awful an I am so afraid I aint never gonna hash no more!”
Aw thats okay, you do not have to be afraid, we aint gonna let Sloppy hare again for awhile. He will be busy tryin to figure out how to fuck himself. An Dirty too. No no I do not mean Sloppy will be figurin out how to fuck Dirty no no I mean Sloppy an Dirty will both be figurin out how to fuck themselves but not each other, no no we will be havin none a that shit in this hash. But Sloppy an Dirty was buyin us a bunch a beer at Dirtbags an after a while we were not so mad at them any more an we decided to let them lay the next part of the trail as long as they did not lay any more a them Multiple True Trails an some ran to Long Wongs an some drove the other hashers cars there an we let the hares buy us some food an more beer there.
“Oh maybe I will come hashin after all.”
Well that would be good then cause not many of us are turnin out for these things an we are beginnin to despair.
“Oh no you are not despairin are you?”
Oh yes we are, we got these hares buyin beer every month an hardly any folks is comin to these hashes an we do not know why.
“You must stop despairin cause I will come, but only if you tell me there will be no more a them Multiple True Trails.”
I told you already we are disciplinin Sloppy and Dirty. They have to go fuck themselves, an also they only got to watch the rest of us partyin with the Hooters girls, they could not touch or nothing.
“Oh that is harsh. Now I am afraid to hare.”
Do not be afraid to come to the mens hash or to hare the mens hash! We promise not to tell you to fuck yourself an we will let you party with the Hooters girls too.
“Okay maybe I will come after all.”
Pima County Traditional Hash House Harriers
p.s. An a lusty pull to Sloppy an Dirty an IBM an STD an Half-Hashed an me an Dirtbags an Long Wongs an the Hooters girls too.
© 2012, Flying Booger. All rights reserved.
About Flying Booger Hash House Harrier, man about town.