Half-Mind Weblog

Today’s PISS hash was the last one before our summer break … we’ll start again in September or October, whenever temperatures return to normal.  We’ve been taking summers off for about three years now.  I know, it doesn’t seem very hashmanlike, but it’s a bitch finding hares when it’s over 100 degrees out, and even when we do find a sucker volunteer, only one or two diehards will show up to do trail.  So we’re kicking back for the summer once again.

Actually, it reached 100 degrees today, and the pack was predictably small: me, Yoda & Appendage, Half Hash and his two lads.  Zorro laid trail in the shiggy south of Udall Park in NE Tucson.  Trail was about three miles long, which was just right in this heat, and the hash would have come and gone in peace if it hadn’t been for a mini-encounter with killer bees.

Thank Gispert, this was nothing like the jHavelina H3′s infamous Killer Bee Hash of 2005, where a couple of hashers were stung literally hundreds of times.  No, today it was just me, and I only got stung three times.  Pretty lucky, if you ask me.  Zorro laid trail in the desert shiggy south of the park, alongside the northern fence of the closed landfill.  There are some old concrete pilings by the fence, and on past trails we’ve heard the buzzing of a hive back in there.  The pack got through the area with no trouble, but their passage put the bees on alert, so when I came through later (I had just come off a long bad trail and was separated from the pack), they were waiting for me.

No one expects ... the Killer Bees!

As I approached the pilings I remembered the bees, and just about then began to see them everywhere.  A couple got up under the brim of my hat and suddenly I was stung twice, once in the forehead and once on my left ear.  I knew I needed to get away and that it would be a very bad idea to start making sudden moves, so I turned in the opposite direction and started to calmly and deliberately walk out of the area.  Bees were all around me, up under my hat and around my face and head and arms, and I felt several land on the back of my t-shirt.  I got one more sting on my left arm, and it was all I could do to keep walking steadily and not start flailing with my arms.  But I kept it together, and although the bees stayed with me for a quarter of a mile, they eventually left and I made it back to the start without getting any more stings.  I called Half Hash to make sure no one else had been stung, and fortunately they had not.

I waited at the start to make sure I didn’t get any crazy bee sting symptoms, and none came, so all is well.  Later on I thought they must not have been killer bees, since they didn’t mount a full-scale attack, but now, without wanting to get all drama queen about it, I think they likely were … mainly because they were so persistent, sticking with me for so long as I moved away from their territory.  I think I was just plain lucky.  A few years ago a maintenance worker was stung to death when he came upon a hive on the roof of the Ramada Inn, not half a mile from today’s encounter.

Well, you can bet I won’t be laying trail anywhere near those concrete pilings again.  I didn’t lay today’s trail, but I do hare often and I like the area around Udall Park.  Fortunately there are lots of trail options in the vicinity, so I don’t have to cross it off my list altogether.  The other hash clubs in town start and end in Udall Park all the time, and I hope they read this and steer clear of those concrete pilings.

There are dangers everywhere, not to mention rattlesnakes (and bears!), and we got off easy today, so enough about those scary bees.  On-afters were at a British pub near the Ramada Inn I just mentioned, and a good time was had by all.  See you in the fall when it cools down again.  Thanks, Zorro, for a memorable trail!

The Half-Mind Events Calendar is up to date, road warriors. To view the calendar, click here.

No Name Hash House Harriers, Oregon, USA

L to R: Wankers, Hot Legs, Master Meat Finder, Gaysian, Flying Booger (photo by Humpin')

Harriers MCH3 broke a longstanding tradition by meeting at a restaurant that was actually open for business, the Hungry Rooster on the east side.  Everyone arrived early and took advantage of the unexpected openness by going inside for breakfast and coffee.  We were joined, briefly, by Half Hash and Hashadick, who don’t get to ride with us much any more, and it was nice to see them.

Wankers and Hot Legs led us down the Nogales Highway (with a short detour on the Old Nogales Highway, which turns out to go nowhere, least of all Nogales) to Continental Road near Green Valley, then a short way east to Madera Canyon, where Humpin’ took the group photo you see above.  Gaysian was a virgin today, riding with Humpin’, and we hope to see her again.  Master Meat Finder, after a long absence, rode pillion with Flying Booger (unlike our last ride together, we managed to stay upright the whole time).

Summer is clearly coming, and coming hard.  By the time we left the Hungry Rooster it was already in the 80s, and it got up to almost 100 on the way home from Madera Canyon … thank Gispert Madera Canyon gave us a chance to cool down.

Next month’s ride is TBA.  We’d like to do an all-day out & back to Globe, but may have to do it on a Saturday when more riders can come.  We’ll get the word out via our Facebook page as soon as we get something organized.  On On!

Pedalfiles H3 @ Hi Corbett Field

Left to right: Appendage, Yoda, NHN John, Hash Jive, Pearl of the Andes, Wankers Aweigh, Pick’n'Flick, Hot Legs.  Redheaded Woodpecker is in front.  I snapped today’s group photo before quite everyone had shown up.  Master Meat Finder arrived a few minutes later and, along with Hot Legs and Men at Work (who wasn’t around for the photo either), set up the beer check.  Woodpecker recruited another virgin, NHN Audrey, who along with NHN John bashed for the first time today. There’s a persistent rumor Studmuffin showed up, or at least was seen by a few members of the pack pedaling a velocipede on trail, but since I didn’t see it myself (and since he never showed up at the end) I declare it a myth.

Woodpecker, our hare, says he winged today’s trail … made it up on the spot, followed his inner voices, pulled it out of his ass, whatever … if he did the hash gods were smiling on him, because it turned out to be a decent trail, winding around Reid Park and on-on through some of Tucson’s most elite neighborhoods before depositing us in Himmel Park for a beer check and a great view of the airshow going on at Davis-Monthan Air Force Base.  Enroute to the beer check Pick’n'Flick took a tragic fall, suffering a devastating scrape to her left pinky, and Flying Booger wrapped his chain around the front derailleur and turned his 21-speed ride into a fixie.  The mayhem continued after the beer check when, despite repeated warnings never to follow Yoda, the pack fell in behind him and rode several miles on unmarked roads with no powder in sight.  There is a G, however; shortly afterward Yoda had a flat, and when he stopped to fix it less experienced but more sensible riders took the lead and we once again found trail.

Beer check in Himmel Park

On-in was back at the start, Hi Corbett Field, where by now the opening baseball game of the season was in progress and parking was at a premium, so after we sold our precious parking spots to eager fans circling the lot, we caravanned to on-afters at Bob Dobbs’, just a few blocks away.  Beer Angels Hot Legs, Master Meat Finder, and Men at Work joined us, along with NHN John’s wife and Womb with a View, who introduced us to her beau Kurt.  By now we were a numerous host, but Bob Dobbs took good care of us and saw that we were amply supplied with libations.  Trail was duly tried and judged shitty, miscreants were honored, virgins were welcomed, a hare was found for May (OMG it’s Yoda … don’t say we didn’t warn you), and everyone congratulated Pearl of the Andes, who is pregnant (and now we know why we haven’t seen Hash Jive and Pearl around lately).  After a lively circle and meal, the hash went in peace.  Our next bash will be Sunday, May 20th, details to be announced.

Special announcement: our old web site, OnOnTucson.com, is now blank due to some fat-fingered HTML error committed by Flying Booger.  But that’s okay, because we were getting rid of it anyway.  From now on we’re on Facebook, with our own group page where members can participate by posting announcements, gossip, and photos of their own.  That’s also where we’ll post information on upcoming bashes, but if you’re a determined non-Facebooker, don’t worry … the email ride announcements will continue.

We should probably have called this hash The Great Pima Independent Sunday Social Easter Egg Hunt.  At the circle last month we debated whether to hold April’s hash on Easter Sunday or move it to another week; since most of us felt Jesus (with G’s blessing, of course) would have wanted us to hash no matter what, we went with Easter.

The pack at the start: dressed for cactus!

Yoda, this month’s hare, put out the word: be prepared for cactus, and oh by the way the rattlesnakes are out of hibernation, so dress appropriately.  As you can see, some of us were ready for anything!  In the photo, left to right: Appendage, Tucson Slew, Communicable Disease, NHN Paul, Yoda, Pick’n'Flick, Zorro, NHN Abby, Cum So Hard Me Die, Cuntographer, NHN Gavin.

On On!

Yoda’s trail, once again, was in a shiggy-filled area called the Western Reserve, west on Duval Mine Road between Green Valley and Sahuarita, about 30 miles south of Tucson.  It really was infested with cactus, especially the jumping cholla variety, and a few members of the pack had to stop on trail and use pliers to pull cholla balls out of their shoes.  But it was also beautiful, with desert flowers and all the ocotillo in bloom.  Trail was short: just less than three miles, which most of us finished in about 45 minutes at a walking pace.

On-In!

On-afters were at the Triple Play Sports Pub on Duval Mine Road, not far from the end, where Yoda was honored for serving the hash with yet another shitty trail, beer and other beverages were consumed.  May’s PISS Hash will be on Sunday the 13th, with Zorro as hare.  See you then!

Ha! Here’s a bit of 1980s hash nostalgia, a hand-typed and illustrated hare guide from the Hogtown H3, sent to me by Toronto hasher Rose eh.

From Rose eh’s accompanying letter: “This was before the internet and email … a fun, hashy read, when times were simpler, but no less beer and shiggy crazed, and still instructive for today’s new boots (and some not too new).”

Click on the link (PDF file) and enjoy:

The Perfectly Laid Trial

So here’s another one:  I’m getting ready to update the calendar yesterday when it hits me there’s no evidence anyone uses it.  There are other online hash calendars, not to mention a user-supported list of upcoming events on HashSpace.

Any objections if I phase it out?  Editing it is a significant amount of work, and if no one’s using it, I’d just as soon stop.  Please let me know if I need to keep it going.  If you  don’t want to take the trouble of leaving a comment on this blog, email me directly.

Definitely not a major epiphany, and nothing close to a paradigm shift.  But I’ll take my insights where I find them … and share them with you, dear hashers.

I skipped the monthly motorcycle hash yesterday to go riding with the Tucson Bash.  This is the new bicycle hash I blogged about in February, founded by a Tulsa hasher who moved to Tucson and started a weekly bash with a small group of friends who, like him, didn’t know about the rest of us.

They’re kind of an isolated group.  They know now that there are other bashes and hashes in town, but none of them to my knowledge have ventured outside the Tucson Bash, and to date no member of Tucson’s hashing and bashing community has ridden with them.  I meant to break the ice.

The group’s Facebook page describes a pub crawl-style bash.  That’s not my thing, but I felt I ought to show up at one of their events, if for no other reason than to extend the hand of friendship and welcome them to Tucson’s hashing and bashing community.

So, anyway.  The announcement for yesterday’s bash said to meet at Che’s on 4th Avenue at 1:00 PM.  Yesterday was also the annual 4th Avenue Street Fair, so the downtown area was mobbed.  I parked the car two miles north at a friend’s house and rode downtown.  I locked my bike to a pole and tried to walk into Che’s, only to be stopped by a bouncer.  My backpack, which contained my water bottle, bike helmet, and camera, was contraband.  Rather than abandon my stuff to thieves, I decided to wait on the sidewalk outside Che’s.  After a while a skinny young guy carrying a bicycle helmet came out.  We introduced ourselves.  He told me he was today’s hare and was waiting for other bashers to arrive.  Then he told me they really start at 2:00.

A couple of other bashers showed up and I got to talk to them a little.  I told them more about hashing in Tucson and talked up the Pedalfiles Bash.  The members I met were young, in their 20s, early 30s tops.  My best guess is their group consists of 6 to 8 members.  I learned a bit about their modus operandi.  They start their trails by gathering at a pub and drinking for an hour first, then riding on to other pubs.  Trails last four to six hours with multiple pub stops.  Sometimes they collect a fee first; sometimes it’s BYO$.  Trails are A-to-A or A-to-A+.

I hadn’t anticipated the late start, but decided to hang around and ride with them at least as far as their first pub stop, and maybe one more after that, before heading back to my car.  I wasn’t up for an afternoon and evening of drinking … well, obviously, since I don’t drink at all.  What I mean is that I wasn’t up for an afternoon and evening of hanging around with people who are drinking.  A little of that, maybe, but not four to six hours’ worth.  So I wandered around the street fair for an hour and then went back to Che’s.

It was now 2:00 PM, but their bikes were still in front of the bar.  I couldn’t go in, so I waited on the sidewalk.  Almost half an hour later, I was still waiting, and they were still inside drinking.  That’s when G spoke to me.  Since it was only a minor epiphany he uttered just two words, and those words were “Fuck this.”

I was there for a bicycle ride.  They were there for something else.  I wasn’t riding my bicycle.  They weren’t riding their bicycles.  This wasn’t how I’d planned to spend the afternoon.

I don’t know when they finally emerged from Che’s and rode to the next pub, because I was gone by then.  I feel bad I didn’t get to ride with them for part of their trail, and I regret that I probably left a bad impression by bailing.  But I don’t feel bad about leaving.

I’m trying not to be judgmental.  All hashes combine trail and drinking.  On the hashing/drinking scale, at one end are groups that put the emphasis on trail; drinking comes after, at the circle.  At the other end are groups that drink before, during, and after.

I’ve done both, but I always gravitated toward trail-oriented hashing.  Since I quit drinking a few years ago, I’ve actively avoided heavy-drinking hashes, seeking out groups where the members are somewhat older and more moderate in their drinking.  My favorite hashes today are the ones that run or ride in the morning (since most people tend to drink less than they would later in the day) and hashes that do A-to-A trails (so that if the circle turns into a drunkfest I can get in my car and go home).

What was happening yesterday … and I’m damned if I know why it took me an hour and a half to figure it out … was pretty much the exact opposite of what I wanted to do.

I worry, too, about drinking and riding bicycles, and I wonder what it would have been like to ride with this group after they’d been pounding beers all afternoon.  It’s one thing to drink and then go running or walking; it’s another thing to drink and then ride a bike.  Like driving a car, you need your wits, your motor skills, your judgment.  We learned that the hard way in the Pedalfiles, racking up 4 serious injuries in our first 13 bashes.  After that we asked our hares to limit pub stops on trail to just one.

I probably won’t make a second attempt to ride with this group … they’re on the end of the hashing/drinking scale I try to avoid.  But I do want to get them involved with our hashing and bashing community in Tucson.  They seem like fun people.  I know the jHavelinas and Mr. Happy’s hashes will welcome them with open arms, as will the Pedalfiles.  But it isn’t going to happen if we don’t extend a welcome.  I was disappointed that after emailing everyone in my Pedalfiles address book to tell them about yesterday’s event, I was the only one to actually show up.

For my fellow Tucson hashers, especially those with a higher tolerance for drinking and pub crawls, I ask you to please get out there and recruit these young bashers.  They’ll be a welcome addition to our community of half-minds.  Stop by their Facebook page and find out where & when their next bash is, and let them know you’re coming.

For the rest of you, when G gives you an epiphany, count your blessings and obey.