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Copyright 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014 by Paul Woodford. All rights reserved.

PISS Hash & Pedalfiles Bash Trash: 10/12/14

The Pima Independent Sunday Social Hash kicked off its 2014/2015 season with a September trail in Green Valley. Sadly, no one turned up, so there was no hash (and no trash). Yoda’s Green Valley trails are always a lot of fun, and it was a real disappointment no one made the effort to drive down. I’ll blame the weather … it was still killer hot in September.

A lesser group of hashers would have taken that as a bad omen for October, but not us. The next PISS hash on the calendar was to be on Sunday, October 12, and we weren’t going to cancel it just because September sucked. Besides, we were going to have a visitor, I Feel Tower from the Long Island Lunatics Hash in New York, who planned to drive all the way to Arizona to hash with us. Given that, I decided to hare October’s hash myself.

Then another special guest made herself known: Bimbo by Day, a former Tucson hasher who co-founded the Pedalfiles Bash back in October 2006. She hashes in San Diego now, but she was going to be in Tucson the same weekend as the October PISS Hash. The only thing was, she wanted to do a bike hash. Normally the PISS and the Pedalfiles meet on different Sundays, but because Bimbo was going to be here here we decided to put on a joint event: one trail for runners and walkers, and a separate trail for bicycle hashers, both starting and ending at the same location, Udall Park on the east side of Tucson.

And guess what? It worked!

Of course, before it worked it had to be planned, scouted, and practiced. I was doing the hash trail and Master Meat Finder was going to hare the bash trail. MMF was out of town and wouldn’t be back until the day before the hash, so I agreed to scout both trails, then ride the bash trail with her the afternoon before. My idea for the bash trail involved a long uphill climb, a short water crossing, and a downhill on-home run. When I scouted it, it was brilliant. Here I am at the start of the water crossing:


The water crossing that was not meant to be

When MMF and I rode it together Saturday afternoon, the trickle of water had turned into an uncrossable river. A hurricane had come up from Mexico earlier in the week, dumping rain on the nearby mountains and flooding our normally dry riverbeds. MMF wasn’t deterred … borrowing my Pima County Bike Trail map, she plotted out a new trail from scratch, with no time left for practice. As every hare knows, last-minute surprises and changes of plans are common, and a good hare always lands on his or her feet, as MMF did.

On hash day, Bimbo by Day rode with Master Meat Finder as co-hare for the bash trail, and I hared the hash trail as planned. Here we are at the start:


Bimbo by Day, Master Meat Finder, Flying Booger

The best thing … besides haring with good friends and showing a visiting hasher a good time … a huge crowd of local hashers and bashers turned out. Let’s hope October is a good omen for November!


Hashers and bashers at the start

Even though our combined hash/bash was a success, nearly everyone who came said the same thing: they had a hard time choosing whether to do the hash trail or the bash trail, and wished they could have done both, so in November we’ll go back to separate hashing and bashing weekends. Announcements for future trails will be on the PISS and Pedalfiles Facebook pages.


SWP Files: Calling 911

Two brief items to add to the Suspicious White Powder files:

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click to view full sized image on Flickr

On On!


SWP Files: Case #14-164751

Another entry for the Suspicious White Powder files, posted to Facebook this morning by a hasher in Texas:

Incredible Edible Spread, from DFWHHH, also works at the Police Department. After a NoDUH hash she found this:

Incredible Edible Spread here sending out my hearty congratulations to Bald Head Yogurt Slinger & Just Bryan for creating a major police incident last night laying trail! I work for the Plano Police and last night was dispatching for the West side of town, so I didn’t notice a little Investigation call that went down on the East side. However I arrive to work this afternoon and check my email for our daily “Major Calls List” of serious incidents that are sent to all personnel. Because this is so close to our police station and City Hall and the whole antharax scares in the past, it made the list. I nearly fell out of my chair laughing. I’ve since emailed the investigating officer and the Supervisor to clear the situation up, and assured them I would give our “hares” a hard time. I told the investigating officer I was impressed that he managed to follow our trail without knowing the symbols, but had just missed his chance for a nice cold one apparently! I have not met Just Bryan, but I smell a hash name having just been earned!

Major Calls:
14-164751 Investigation 1520 Ave K (City of Plano) White male throwing white powder on ground and on property from a brown bag. PD followed “trail” to top level parking garage at Eastside Village. Unable to locate subject.

Here are the notes from the 911 call:
9/22/2014 19:32:14 white male outside of the building throwing a white powder on the ground
9/22/2014 19:32:33 has thrown it all over the parking lot and around the trees on the property
9/22/2014 19:32:56 early – mid 30s dark blue shirt light blue pants dark baseball cap
9/22/2014 19:33:11 male is looking over his shoulders as he does it and walking very fast
9/22/2014 19:33:29 powder is in a big brown paper bag
9/22/2014 19:33:56 last seen crossing the street by Eastside Village throwing it around that building
9/22/2014 19:59:35 Officer Newton- Eastside Village / on foot top level of parking garage

I read the officers report which states the following:
Newton 1766 – I followed his powder trail all the way up to the top level parking garage at Eastside Village. It ended there and “BN” was layed out in powder. Subject possibly a resident because the trail went through a locked gate. Unable to locate subject.

There is nothing I can add to make this any funnier than it is.


A Memorable Trail (Updated)

gfd rescuers

Guam Hash House Harriers’ BFFs in Action

The next time your “serious” runner friends sneer at you for being a hasher, show them this:

79 Hash Runners Lost in Bush Saturday Night, Led to Safety by GFD Sunday Morning

Guam – 79 people from the running club known as the “Hash House Harriers” got lost in the bush around Mt. Schroeder in Merizo Saturday evening and had to be led out to safety by Guam Fire and Rescue.

The “Hash House Harriers” are international group of non-competitive, running social clubs.

Acting Guam Fire Spokesman FF II Kevin Reily reports the initial 911 call came in just after 9pm Saturday reporting 25 runners were lost.

Rescue 3 launched a search and soon located part of the group. That’s when they learned that there were more than 70 hash runners, says Reily, not just 25. Rescue 1 then joined in the search for the remaining runners. In all, 13 GFD personnel were involved in the search which Reily described as “exhaustive.”

Reily reports all of them were led to safety by 4:30am Sunday. 3 suffered minor injuries from abrasions and fatigue. But no one had to be transported to the hospital. 1 of the “Harriers” fell into a ravine, but Reily reports that that person was helped out by another Harrier and led to the trail-head.

The hashers told rescue personnel they started their run at 4pm Saturday.

Its the second time in less than a week that a group of people have had to be lead to safety by Guam Fire and Rescue getting lost at night in the jungle. Last Thursday night a group of young men got lost while hiking in the area of the the Pagat caves. They were led to safety Friday morning by GFD Rescue Unit 1.

Let’s review the highlights. The hash started at 4 PM. The first emergency call, presumably from one of the lost hashers, was after 9 PM, 5 hours later (Guam is very close to the Equator, so it’s pitch black at 9 PM). Although 25 hashers were quickly found, more than 50 were still unaccounted for. The last of the pack was found and led to safety at 4:30 AM, over 12 hours later.

Guam H3, this one goes into the Half-Mind annals!

Update (9/16/14): received following from a Guam hasher today. Seems the article was a little overblown (shocking, I know):

Hey Flying Booger,

The local paper didn’t get the facts straight.  The trail was on Mt. Finansanta, not Mt. Schroeder.  There were approximately 79 people that started the trail.  Most of the pack made it in without needing to be rescued, albeit after dark.  One guy tumbled down a very steep hillside, he broke some ribs, but initial reports were that he broke a leg (not sure how that miscommunication happened).  That is what prompted the call to Guam Fire Department.  He was able to hike out on his own.  There were 18 stuck on the trail that didn’t make it in until around 3:30 am.  Some, but not all, had lights so it was slow going down the mountain and down the waterfalls.  Some of the front runners went back on trail to help.  Only one of the GFD personnel was able to make it up the trail to the top of the mountain (granted they were carrying a lot of gear and trail was steep and muddy in places), and some of the hashers that went back on trail helped them carry some of the gear (myself included).  I was with the rescue party (4 hashers, one local neighbor and 3 GFD personnel) that went out to get the injured guy; we didn’t back track on trail, but made our own trail through the jungle in the dark to approach from the bottom of the mountainside – but he was no longer there because he hike out on his own…

Regrettable we were in the news.  Fortunately nobody was seriously injured.  Unfortunately there has been a rash of lost hikers in the local news lately (all the other incidents non hashers) including one death, so this is getting a lot of coverage…

F. Tampon


Killed on Trail

A Tampa hasher, Bed & Bucfest, died Friday night after being hit by a car while she was running a hash trail in Orlando. I didn’t know her, but I know Tampa hashers who were close to her, and I know they’re hurting. It’s a terrible thing.

I don’t know any details. Don’t know how it happened or who was at fault. I probably don’t want to know. What I do know is that having a hasher get killed on trail has always been one of my secret fears, both as a hasher and as a hare.

A number of hashers have died on trail from heart attacks and the like. That’s always sad, but if you’re a hasher, it’s the most honorable way to depart this life. Getting killed is another thing entirely. Fortunately only a few hashers have actually been killed on trail … I can think of only four or five cases, though there have probably been a few more than that.

I know I’d feel responsible if someone was killed running one of my trails, and I feel for the hashers in Orlando. I feel for B&B’s many friends in Florida and the hashing community. I’ll remember to honor her in my next circle.


Look But Don’t Touch

This PSA has been running the rounds on Facebook and Twitter (though not, it seems, on Hash-L or HashSpace). I’ll give it a push by reposting it here (if it’s hard to read, click on it to view it full-size on Flickr):

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Anyone who has read my rants over the years knows I’ve addressed this subject again and again.

I used to think there was a special trust between hashers; you know, the kind of trust where if you’re at a special hash event, out of the public eye, men and women can get naked together in a hot tub or whatever without sexual pressure, harassment, touching, or rape.

I haven’t heard of any rapes at hash events, but the rest of it happens on a regular basis. Some frat boy type gets a boner and starts squeezing tits. Someone sneaks into someone else’s tent at two in the morning.  Some asshole takes photos and posts them to HashSpace.

When we first start hashing, we think hashers are different. Better. Cooler. With experience, we learn hashers are just like everyone else. There is no special trust.

When alcohol is present (and when is it not at a hash?), people get horny and think they can take sexual liberties. It’s mostly guys, but some girls too. And there are always consequences after. Take the alcohol away and this shit would stop happening. But then it wouldn’t be the hash any more, so what’s the answer?

No one wants to hear this, but the answer is to keep your clothes on. Women, if you’re at a camping hash, share your tent with hashers you trust. Men, the hash is not a swingers’ club. As the PSA says, look out for each other, especially your sister hashers. If you see someone getting rapey, take him aside and straighten him out.

Sorry to be such a wet blanket, but if you’re reading this sober, you know I’m right.


Hashing Longevity (Updated)

Some of you may know Grease Monkey from Over the Hump H3 in Quantico, Virginia. I met Grease when I was posted to Okinawa in 1989. He was a fixture of the hash there, and I’ve always believed he engineered my “election” as the Okinawa H3 GM. Grease and his family transferred to Quantico in 1991 or 92, and have been there ever since. I hashed in DC once in the early 2000s, but didn’t get to see him when I was there, so it was a pleasure to get this note from one of his brother OtH H3 hashers:

Last night “Grease Monkey” of the “Over The Hump” H3 (Quantico, Virginia, south of DC) completed his 2000th trail with Over The Hump.  It was also approximately his 850th time haring trail for OTH (note that OTH has run twice per week for most of its history).

It has taken him 23 years to accomplish this.  When you stop to think of the requirements needed to accomplish such a feat ((a) Live in the same city for 23 years, (b) have a local hash that has been in existence for 23 years, (c) complete roughly 80% of all trails run over the 23–year period), it seems plausible to me that Grease Monkey may well be the first person in the USA to accomplish this.

Might you be aware of anyone else who has accomplished this feat before now, both in the USA and elsewhere?  Grease believes that there is a hasher on Okinawa who has completed 3000 runs with the same hash, but he is not sure.

Well, I don’t know, but I suspect a few other hashers have hit the 2K mark. Hashers like Moon in Philadelphia, maybe, or Mr. Jackson in Rumson. The Okinawa hasher Grease Monkey referred to is probably Rooster. He’d definitely be up to around 3,000 trails by now.

Not that hashers keep meticulous records, but does anyone know of other hashers with the kind of longevity Grease Monkey has? Let us know in the comments, of email me directly and I’ll post the info here in an update. Thanks and On On!

Update (same day): I linked to this on Facebook and a couple of hashers pointed out things I should have included here. First, I meant 2,000 or more trails with the same hash. There are several hashers who have exceeded 2,000 trails, spread between different kennels. I went over 1,000 myself years ago, and then quit counting. Second, I forgot to mention another Okinawa H3 member, Omakazae, who at last count had run around 3,500 trails with that hash. I remember Omakazae well, and wish him and Rooster many more trails in the future!


Hashing? Not Hashing?

I guess I’m officially a codger now. The beer bong crowd has weighed in.

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