Wankers Aweigh and Hot Legs called the Pima Independent Sunday Social Hash House Harriers together near their west side home this morning, out near Silverbell and Grant. Here we are in the parking lot at Robins Elementary School, our starting point: Pick’n'Flick, No Bone Go Home, Appendage, Hot Legs, Wankers, Yoda, Zorro, and virgin No-name Keith. I’m out of the frame taking the photo, which brings the total to nine stalwart hashers.
The pack at the start
Well may you notice the absence of four-legged hashers. Knowing the terrain on the west side to be hilly, rocky, and covered in cholla, we decided to leave Low-Flying Booger and Red-Over-Red Booger home. Half an hour into today’s trail we were glad we did, because otherwise we’d have had to carry them.
At ten after ten Wankers announced his departure and asked for a 15-minute head start. To our surprise and dismay, he climbed into his Subaru to autohare, but since he couldn’t get it started had to leave on foot instead. Damn, that was a close one for the pack!
After a bit of pavement, with many checks and false trails, trail headed into the Sonoran shiggy, and the pack, led by Pick’n'Flick, followed.
Pick’n'Flick breaking trail
Before long, we entered a dry wash with loose, ankle-deep sand and pebbles with the consistency of kitty litter, and settled in for a long, arduous slog. This is the point at which hash doggies would have had to be carried, and even though they’re mad at us for not taking them today, if they understood what we saved them from they’d thank us.
After a mile and a half of plodding, with many stops to dump sand and gravel from our shoes, we climbed out of the wash onto harder ground, where we found Hot Legs and Appendage manning the mid-trail mimosa check.
Mimosas with the autohashers
I wish I did not have to tell you this, because it is frankly shocking, but Yoda and No Bone left the mimosa check with Hot Legs and Appendage in the car, finishing trail on four wheels. Pick’n'Flick and I, along with Zorro and sacrificial virgin No-name Keith, were left to finish trail on foot.
But finish we did, finally catching up with the autohashing contingent at the hares’ home, where we were joined by Master Meat Finder, who didn’t bother with trail at all, let alone autohash it with all the other wankers!
And there, at Wankers’ and Hot Legs’ home, we found a lovely feast waiting for us: cake, pastries, beef stew, meatballs, and salad, and all was forgiven, all was eaten, and everyone was so happy we forgot to do down-downs!
Next month Yoda threatens to start our hash at Greasewood Park, so everyone be sure to bring condoms! Directions & details will be announced on our Facebook page.
Talent in the hash, who’d a thunk it? Here’s a harrier with an artistic bent who illustrates his mates’ hash names. This is his interpretation of Cherry Splatterpuss:
Click on the image to see the artist’s Tumblr, which contains several examples of his work.
It might have been the blizzard-like conditions in southern Arizona this morning, with temperatures of twenty below, or perhaps it was the torrential rain. Then again, the earthquake could have frightened people off. Maybe those pesky rumors of a plague outbreak in downtown Tucson did it, or the unreasonably early 2:30 AM start time. But for whatever reason, Pedalfile bashers stayed home in droves today, and there were as many hares as there were members of the pack.
Literally. Here are the hares, Deep Dish and Is It In Yet? at the start in Himmel Park, along with Pick’n'Flick, who was half the pack (the other half, moi, was taking the photo).
Between them, Deep and 3IY had two 10-pound canvas duffel bags of flour, but given that there were only two of us to appreciate their efforts, we decided to forego trail and take a ride together through downtown Tucson instead. The four of us looped through some old neighborhoods, rode through the U of A campus, detoured down 4th Avenue to check out the new trolley tracks, stopped at No Anchovies on University for a beer and pizza check, then pedaled back to the start.
Here are a couple more photos from this morning. Click on the thumbs to see the full-sized photos on Flickr.
A pleasant morning, a nice bike ride, and good company. If only a few more bashers had shown up, it might have been a bash too!
Seriously, ‘sup, Pedalfiles? Riding conditions were perfect. The hares are known for setting great trails. Does no one want to bash in Tucson any more? Do we need to keep this bash going, or what?
We’ll give it another shot in March. I’ll hare on Sunday, March 16. I’m planning an east side start at 10 AM, location TBA. Vote with your bikes, peeps … if you show up in March I’ll keep trying to organize monthly bashes. If you stay home again, I’m done. Fair enough?
Pack at Mimosa check # 1
Members of the Pima Independent Sunday Social Hash House Harriers made the long trek to Itty Bitty Member’s & Tastes Like Chicken’s place near Benson, Arizona this morning for what has become an annual shiggy trek across parts of the old J-Six Ranch, closely monitored by the resident herds of cattle still living on the working parts of the property. Who was there today? It’s a long list, so get ready:
The hares: IBM & TLC. The pack: Flying Booger, Pick’n'Flick, Yoda, Appendage, Communicable Disease, Tucson Slew, Dead Fucking Blind, Bare-Assed Her, Wankers Aweigh, Hot Legs, Zorro, and a bunch of NHNs: Linda, Jack, Matt, Shirley, Larry, Victoria, Rick, Sally. The dogs: Low Flying Booger, Red over Red Booger, the Other White Meat, the Other Red Meat, NHN Pepper, and the little white one whose name I can never remember. A respectable crowd, even for the wildly-popular PISS Hash!
After a quick chalk talk for our four virgins, IBM took off and laid a check directly in front of the house. We all went left, since past trails had gone in that direction, but we quickly ran out of trail and after much bumbling around finally realized trail went right. A long slog up a paved road later, trail finally went into the shiggy, where we followed a dry wash through incredibly spiky and grabby desert scrub to the first of two mimosa checks manned by TLC and Appendage. Mimosas were consumed in front of a herd of curious cattle lined up against a nearby barbed wire fence, and then IBM took off again.
We followed the second leg of the trail through a combination of old jeep trails and dry washes, and along the way one of our virgins picked up part of the skeleton of an unidentified creature, which became an honorary guest at mimosa check # 2. The last leg of our 3-mile trail took us down another dry wash and finally on-in to the hares’ house, much to the relief of Low Flying Booger, who does not like loose sand, thank you very much.
You know it’s been a good trail when blood flows freely. At least three members of the pack can confirm trail’s excellence: Zorro, NHN Rick, and Flying Booger.
The hares had prepared a great green chile beef stew for us, and with the pack’s side dishes we had a short feast before our traditional short circle. The hares were honored for a truly shitty trail, and we even managed to work in a couple of namings. Our Peruvian guest hasher NHN Victoria, who came with DFB & Bare-Assed Her, is now Perusing America. Our occasional visitor NHN Rick is now Cums Once a Year. Songs were sung, lusty pulls pulled lustily, and formalities terminated, the pack returned to Sunday socializing.
A wonderful day, a wonderful outing, and a great hashing experience all around. Here are a few more photos (click on the thumbs to see ‘em larger on Flickr):
Boogers on trail
Clearing the check
Pack on trail
Mimosa check # 2
DFB, Perusing America, IBM
The next PISS Hash will be on Sunday, March 9, at 10 AM, Wankers Aweigh & Hot Legs hosting and haring.
About a year ago most of Stray Dog’s Hash House Harrier web empire went down. The cover page is still up, but it’s all out of date and none of the links work. It appears he’s turned his back on the entire project.
Hashers have been trying to get in touch with SD for various reasons. Since they believe I’m in intermittent touch with him, they sometimes turn to me in their attempts to contact him. Sorry, but I don’t know much more than you do. Here’s what I do know:
SD has started a business in Mobile, Alabama. It’s a diner, as you see in the graphic to the left. Click here to visit the website, or click on the graphic. Good luck contacting SD through the website, though … it doesn’t contain a contact link or address. I wonder what hungry people in Mobile do? Call information? If anyone out there really needs to get in touch with SD, perhaps to get rego money back, that’s what you’re going to have to do.
By the way, the only reason I know SD’s new diner is in Mobile, Alabama is because a friend of his told me. The website doesn’t contain even that bit of crucial information! Oh, Stray Dog, for someone who tells everyone he’s an expert on website design, you sure don’t seem to have a grasp of the basics!
But here’s the point: I wish SD well in his new venture. I hope it’s a success. If I’m ever in Mobile I’ll swing by for breakfast and a cup of joe. I’m happy he’s no longer sowing confusion and anger in the hashing community, but I have a forgiving nature and will not file this post under the “douchebaggery” category where I filed previous Stray Dog posts. Christ, I’m noble, ain’t I?
I’m about to begin my eighth year of sobriety. It’s going well. I’m still hashing, and not once in seven years have I been tempted to drink, even when I’m in the circle or an on-after bar, surrounded by hashers who are drinking.
I would have said I’m over the hump, but then I read that Philip Seymour Hoffman relapsed after 23 years of living straight. Now I’m kind of frightened. Then again, if I make it 23 years I’ll be well into my 80s, and who’ll give a shit if I take a tipple on my deathbed? So there’s that.
Anyway, every now and then I get email from fellow sober hashers (and a lot of email from hashers who plan to get sober), and I wanted to share one with you:
I’ve come across your Half-Mind publishings years ago while reading up on Hash history. Just now I found your blog, and have been checking out your rants.
Your Hash history is much deeper than mine (I started in 2001) but we have much in common. I’m a former Air Force pilot, RA for the ________ H3, Founder, GM, Chief Cook & Bottle washer for the ________ H3, and an alcoholic. I’ve been sober for 2 1/2 years and am still an active hasher. It’s been interesting, but all my friends in the ________ hashes have been very supportive.
I thought I’d drop you a line, those of us who’ve sobered up but still enjoy the hash and its camaraderie are a bit rare.
Well, hey, it cheered me up. What can I say? Here’s to all the sober hashers out there!
Tom Mix Memorial
The fourth Sunday of every month is motorcycle hash day, so the Tucson Chapter of Harriers MCH3 took to the road. Flying Booger met Wankers Aweigh and Hot Legs at their house on the northeast side of Tucson. Wankers and Hot Legs mounted their BMW, Flying Booger and NHN Sally climbed on the Gold Wing, and the small but intrepid pack rode north.
Trail followed back roads from Tucson north to Florence, turned west to Coolidge and Casa Grande, then south and on-home to Tucson. Our hare, Flying Booger, set four checks: the Tom Mix Memorial on AZ Hwy 79; the lovely town of Florence; the Casa Grande Ruins National Memorial at Coolidge; Casa Grande for down-downs and lunch.
That’s us at the Tom Mix Memorial. You can click on it to see the large original on Flickr. Tom Mix was a cowboy star in the silent film days. The memorial marks the spot where he died in 1940, the victim of a car crash. People still tape photos of Mix to the memorial, and as you can see someone recently left flowers too. That’s Tony the Wonder Horse on top.
What can I say about Florence? Piss break. Gas. Prisons. Oh, and KCDX, 103.1 on the FM dial, a private radio station playing 60s and 70s classics 24/7, the best thing — the only best thing — about Florence, Arizona. We got out of there pretty quick, but I kept the station on my radio until we rode out of range, and I’m streaming it now on my desktop.
It was a short ride from Florence to Coolidge and the Casa Grande Ruins. This was our cultural-educational beer check, and we spent about an hour there. All the years I’ve lived in Arizona, I didn’t even know what it was, other than that “casa grande” means “big house.” Turns out it’s what’s left of a prehistoric desert settlement, mysteriously abandoned in the 1400s. The main structure is the big house itself, a four-story adobe lodge surrounded by the walls of outbuildings.
The big house
Owls. Fucking owls.
Flying Booger led the pack the long way round from Coolidge to the modern-day town of Casa Grande, detouring almost all the way north to Chandler before finally finding a side road to take everyone west to I-10 and south to CG. Lunch and down-downs were to be at Picazzo’s in the historic downtown section, but in the sacred tradition of Harriers MCH3 the hare picked a pub that’s closed on Sundays. Fortunately, the Big House Cafe was just across the street, so lunch was eaten, beverages consumed, and down-downs conducted.
The road home was the slab, 75 miles an hour all the way to the exit nearest Wanker’s and Hot Legs’ house. Flying Booger followed them home to drop off NHN Sally, and that concluded the January ride of Harriers MCH3 (Tucson Chapter). Here endeth the mash trash.
In February, traditionally our coldest winter month, we’ll meet and ride somewhere on Sunday the 23rd. Watch our Facebook page for announcements. It was so fun going to an educational destination, we’ll probably do it again. Maybe the mission at Tumacacori, lunch in Tubac? We’ll see. Of course if any of you laggards want to hare, it’s your call!
Sorry to keep harping on the regional hash contact websites, but too many hashers don’t know they exist. When they want to know if there’s a hash in some other city or country, they ask other hashers on HashSpace or the Hash List. Which is fine, but when they get an answer, it’s only because some better-informed hasher looked up the information on a regional website.
The problem is advertising. For several years, one obnoxious asshole relentlessly flogged his crappy hash website on every available hash forum. He was finally banned and we’re free of his non-stop spamming, but he poisoned the well for every other hash webmaster with something important to contribute. For example, if I spoke too much about the Half-Mind Catalog, which contains the master list of hash clubs and contacts in North, Central, and South America, I’d wind up looking as spammy as that other guy and hashers would accuse me of self-promotion. None of the other regional webmasters want that kind of attention either … the result being that no one advertises and hashers have largely forgotten (or never knew in the first place) that hash contacts in any part of the world can easily be found online.
Our collective invisibility has a secondary effect: because hashers don’t know about the regional websites, they don’t know to send updates when contacts change or new clubs spring up. Webmasters can’t keep contact lists up to date if hashers don’t help out; hashers don’t know webmasters need help because they don’t know the webmasters exist.
Well, I haven’t been the regional webmaster for the Americas for several years now. Hazukashii and Likk’mm took over my Half-Mind Catalog site for a couple of years, and then Ra stepped in and maintains it to this day. I’m a neutral observer these days and no longer care what hashers may say about me … in short, I’m more than willing to help the regional webmasters publicize their important work!
If you’re looking for a hash anywhere in North, Central, or South America … or the Caribbean … Ra’s your man. Just go to the Half-Mind Americas Hash Contact Database and look up your destination. If you represent a hash anywhere in this hemisphere and you have updates, email Ra and he’ll do the actual work of plugging your information into the database. No muss, no fuss. If you’re looking for a hash anywhere else in the world, follow this link to a list of all the regional and national hash contact websites.
Remember, unlike that other guy, none of the regional webmasters want your beer money. They voluntarily collect and publish hash contacts because they’re traveling hashers themselves, and they remember how hard it was to get contact information back in the old days. Please support them so that we don’t wind up going back to the old days!
It was a brilliant morning for a hash in Tucson, Arizona. Unlike some local hash clubs we could name (cough, cough, Pedalfiles, cough), brilliant days bring out the hashing hoards, and that was certainly the case this morning at Udall Park.
The pack at Udall Park
In the photo, left to right: NHN Victoria, Tastes Like Chicken, Itty Bitty Meat, Jetstream, Unmentionables, Wankers Aweigh, NHN Sally, Hot Legs, Pick’n'Flick, Appendage, Yoda, Dead Fucking Blind, Bareassed-Her. That’s just the human contingent. Also present: The Other White Meat, The Other Red Meat, Red over Red Booger, Low-Flying Booger. Missing: Zorro, occupied laying trail; Flying Booger, busy taking photographs.
Zorro brought along visiting hashers from Cambridge H3 in the UK, Jetstream & Unmentionables. DFB & Bareassed-Her came with a virgin from Peru, NHN Victoria. Wankers & Hot Legs brought another virgin, NHN Sally.
Zorro’s trail led us south through the shiggy behind Udall Park and on to the east side of Pantano Wash, then south to Speedway. Arrows & flour led us into the wash itself through a narrow drainage tunnel, across the shiggy and up a ramp onto the west side of the wash, then north toward Tanque Verde. We were confused to see that the marks Zorro laid were not the marks he said he’d be using at chalk talk, but we came up with a theory to explain the discrepancy: Zorro had laid trail over another club’s trail from the day before.
Boy, were we wrong.
Doubling back north on the west side of Pantano Wash, the front runners decided to shortcut back across the wash toward the start, and studly acts were committed by Hot Legs and her virgin friend NHN Sally when they discovered that although the steep bank on the east side was unscalable, there was another tunnel partway up they could go spelunking through. About this time the DFLs, still on the west bank, saw the hare with the front-running hashers on the east bank of the wash, apparently snared. We DFLs continued north to the bridge at Tanque Verde and caught up with the hare and the front runners, from which point we headed on-in back to Udall Park.
When I teased Zorro about being snared, he denied it and said he’d merely come back to make sure we hadn’t gotten lost on the other hash club’s trail. But I knew better. Strange as it may seem, Zorro had obviously laid one trail, gotten snared, then laid an entire second trail using another hash club’s markings, all so that he could mask the fact he’d been snared by pretending to have come back to lead us in after we’d gotten lost on another club’s trail. An amazing feat in and of itself, probably unprecedented in hashing history, worthy of a gold star in the annals of memorable haring feats.
By Pantano Wash: Pick’n'Flick, Flying Booger, Red over Red Booger, Low-Flying Booger
Back at the A in Udall Park, with everyone accounted for and present, Flying Booger led the PISS Hash’s patented World’s Shortest Circle™ by honoring the hare and his remarkable attempt to conceal his snaring, welcoming visitors & virgins & rarely-seen hashers like DFB and Bareassed-Her, and plaintively asking if anyone had remembered to bring beer to our BYOB hash. No one had, so after quick announcements from next month’s hares we adjourned to a nearby eatery, the Hog Pit, where dogs were welcome and plenty of beer was to be had.
Next month: IBM & TLC will lay trail through the shiggy near their lonely frontier outpost on the outskirts of Benson. The hash will start at 10AM on Sunday, February the 9th, so be sure to get an early start ’cause it’s 30 miles east of Tucson on I-10. Bring side dishes to share; IBM & TLC will provide the hot dogs. Dress for winter: last time these two hared it snowed. I’ll send out exact information on how to get there in a future email. Directions will also be posted on the PISS H3 Facebook page.
Looking ahead, Wankers Aweigh & Hot Legs are haring in March, Yoda & Appendage in April, Flying Booger & Pick’n'Flick in May.
This has been the monthly report of Flying Booger to the elders of the Pima Independent Sunday Social Hash House Harriers. Here endeth the epistle.